Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Pity Party for One

I don't have these days often but they still happen. I mean the days where for some odd reason I have down time and my mind wanders and begins to think about how everything has changed (for the better I know please don't misinterpret) so so quickly. Don't get me wrong, I love change. Change at work, change with my family...like new additions, change with seasons, even changing my sheets. But some change takes longer to get use to.

I sleep fine alone, but not all night. I still hate taking out the stupid trash, and when I can't get the mower to start I almost cry. But I do it and I push on and I know I get stronger for doing it all by myself everyday.

It's so hard sometimes to just be yourself, by yourself. I am so good at being half of a whole and thinking about someone else before myself that now I am in foreign territory, without a passport or a map...and everyone speaks Japanese. But I know in time I will learn the language and it will feel like home again but differently.

And it's truly not him I miss. Just an idea, just a comfort, just a check box, and a thing I didn't have to worry about. But today, at this moment I just had a reality check that I blocked out for the past while...so I allowed myself a pity party for just one minute. Actually just long enough to write this. I know this is normal, just not fun.

By the way...things you should not say to someone newly divorced:) Funny but honestly people have said this stuff meaning well....

1. "Honey, you're pretty so you will be fine"
2. "At least you didn't have kids, so it shouldn't be too bad"
3." Oh, Is this your first divorce? I've been divorced 3 times. It gets easier."
4. "YOU ARE KIDDING??!!!"
5. "Oh! About time!"

Off to bigger and brighter things, people and times:) And to pick up my newly altered jeans:)

4 comments:

  1. that was beautifully written. it touched my heart!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm glad you allowed yourself to have a minor pity party. It's a good sign of growing and accepting the changes in your life. Yep, people say the dumbest things. It's because they really don't know how to just say "I'm sorry". Now, back to that gate building project!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hang tough, Hunny Bunny. You're entitled to a pity party now and again.
    Your Mama
    www.acottageindustry.typepad.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. Those parties - they come and go - at the oddest times. Really just wanted to let you know after three years I still hate taking out the stupid trash. Every week, I hate it. But I've come so far in other things. And good luck on the gate, just think, when it's done you will be able to say I did it myself! Good wishes to you.

    ReplyDelete

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