Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Expectations are hard to overcome. Due dates are a joke in my body's world. And it's horrible how my mind can put me into a tail spin of stress resulting in my first migraine in probably 7-8 months.
Maybe it's the hormones, but my pounding head seems to have a direct correlation to my racing thoughts and fears about this upcoming delivery date.

Of course I can't make myself go into labor. And I can't have any complete peace of mind until this little one gets here. I am my own worst enemy. My mind won't shut off.

My body is tired, my mind exhausted. I try to talk myself down off the ledge over and over but really only get moments of peace when I think back to little mister's delivery. And how everything will be alright. I think about my faith in God and how arrogant it is to have any worry when he is the one in control. How it's easy to say but hard to do. To let go control and really realize what will be will be. He will take care of it all.

I want what all mothers want, I healthy baby. A safe delivery. My family to be okay without me being able to take care of anything/anyone for a couple days. My heart is heavy as I am starting to fall apart physically, emotionally and mentally from this last part of the marathon. I am so tired.

But as I don't know how I will take even one more step, I have to. I must and so it starts.
He is already working and I am just along for the ride. When you think you just can't go any further, and then you do somehow. That's not's him.

And so I head back to bed, for tomorrow may just be the first birthday of a new little cherub here on Earth......

Friday, March 7, 2014

My wedding ring officially does not fit anymore due to weight/swelling.

Nothing really fits at this point, even most of the maternity is ill fitting and tight. Nothing comfortable except sexy sweat pants that actually have a hole on seam of the crotch.

I'm almost 39 weeks and in the last 5 miles of this mental marathon.
I don't know if it's just me, or do others get to this point? If they do they mask it well. I'm physically feeling done and mentally I'm getting there.

Everyday I think this may be the last as our little family of 3. I cuddle little mister a little longer lately and even that is becoming harder and harder physically.

Every other step seems to ache and hurt. Sleep is becoming more and more non-existent. And I have had a couple boughs of contractions that tease me just enough into thinking the "big event" might be starting.

So for now I wait. Which feels like eternity. Others wait too. They wait of the call, they wait to find out if it's a he or a she. They wait for it all......the pot just simmering and not feeling close enough to a boil for me.

He only gives you as much as you can handle. He pushes you to your limit and sometimes beyond what you may think that limit is.

I'm at the starting line waiting for the gun to fire, I'm holding the college entrance examine waiting for the teacher to say start on the timer, I'm just waiting and sometimes that is the hardest part

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