Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Mr. Big Dog and I definitely share a lot of interests. We both like to be challenged physically, we are both very capable independent people, and in general we like a lot of the same stuff. We are starting to mind read each other, like some couples can:) But one thing we both share that not everyone does is the club of divorce. Yep, there I said it. Big ugly, pink elephant, but worked through it, tough stuff divorce.
And I think it is interesting how non-divorced and divorced people see us. I know I personally found out early on who my true friends were in the smoke settling of my big D. I learned some people judge you for it, and some just don't know how to act with you...like you have cancer all of the sudden.
But something I think Mr. Big Dog and I are different about is the insecurity that comes with the history of the D. And maybe insecure is the wrong word, maybe it's just how I can feel some people may not think I am ready to be married again. Maybe because people can't understand how I found Mr. Big Dog in what seems like a quick amount of time from the outside, or how I was able to trust and love again like what was once described to me as a rubber band.....I just bounced back. (by the way none of these people are anyone close to me that I actually really respect their input on my life:) )
But really no one knows but me and him:) Divorced people might understand a little easier, but really it's just.....to me.....like a totally different world.
It's nothing like my past, it's nothing like anything I have ever known. It's so much more special, and so much less work. So much less drama, so much love and just wonderful all around.
I am not naive, I know we will have struggles....but I would not want to struggle with anyone else.
But tonight, when we told a complete stranger that we were both divorced and we're now getting married... I couldn't help but feel his judging eyes. Maybe he thinks we don't value marriage, maybe he's divorced and bitter himself, or maybe he was just in a bad mood...but for some reason I wanted to tell him...."this isn't round 2 buddy, it's just finally the right round."
But then I realized, it doesn't matter, I'm not him and he's not me...and I am so happy I don't even really care.

It's raining hard here this morning, it sounds like someone it throwing rocks at the windows. The dogs are all lying around my feet as I have my morning blog fixes and coffee. I look back over the past year and I am so thankful for so much.

2011 Thankful List:

I have a consistent great job, wait I have two:)

I sold my house in a week and didn't loose my shorts on it:) I didn't make much either but it was painless.

I rode 100 miles for Leukemia/Lymphoma and didn't die doing it.

I have my health and completed Hood to Coast for the 3 year in a row.

I am 99% sure my doctor found my migraine source:) YIPPEEE!!! So my life should be migraine free or at least less in the near future.

I am thankful to have a great partner in my life who supports everything, even my craziness at times.

We have a beautiful house, food in the fridge and sometimes even a roaring fire in the fireplace going as the cherry on top.

We have a great bunch of family and friends, near and far who we will have in our lives forever.

And today I am thankful for my constant restlessness, because I am going to get some stuff done:)
What are you thankful for?

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Where is this year going? Wasn't it August just yesterday? I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week!!! I will be at work on the holiday and I am planing on bringing my soon to be staple pumpkin cupcakes with maple frosting:) I've made them twice now and had rave reviews:) Mr. Big Dog definitely liked them, but he's so sweet I think he'd eat anything I make. I did eat them myself so I know they are tasty:)

I got the recipe here after a random pumpkin cupcake search:)

Try them out......so easy:)

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Definition of Faith:

1. Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

2. Strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof.

At least this is the definition I found tonight when looking it up online.

So when people talk about "having" faith, like it's something palpable, it gets me thinking. And I think and think about how to "have" it or really feel it. I mean, that is what it is....feeling.....having trust and confidence in someone or something would really be an internal feeling.

I hope I haven't lost you, stay with me.....I'm not trying to get all philosophical on you. Lord knows, I am as right brained as them come....or maybe that's left:) Anyways, I am very factual, I love proof and reassurance that point A will lead to point B.

So like others, I have some issues with faith in general. Not really faith in God but faith that I am not in control all the time. I mean, what if I am more than I think...then if I don't drive this bus for even a second...well let's just say we could be off in the ditch in no time. Right?

But when I really start to see my faith flame flickering and dimming, it seems that's when I get these thoughts like:

"It will all work out, all this fretting for nothing. You are making wrinkles in your forehead and you haven't even given it a chance to not work."

Let's just say work is a little distressing lately, wedding plans are a little sensitive, and my dogs are not behaving.

So even though none of this sounds very faith oriented at the first read, the foundation is the same. Everything will work out, everything will be fine, and I am thankful for so much...I'm thankful to have the stresses I have.

So tonight I am trying to put some kerosene on my faith flame, relax and get a good nights sleep....everything happens as it should and in the right time.

So go have some faith:)

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