Saturday, July 30, 2011

Well I am a woman of my word. I think that is the one sentence I could honestly use to describe myself. This is a gift and a curse. My words are as strong and dependable as steel.
If I say I am going to do something, if I verbalize I am going to do something, then it will 100% of the time happen.
For instance, the 100 mile bike ride. Well even when I was falling apart with stress and physical exhaustion.....when I had so many reasons to quit....I did it anyways because I SAID I would. Yes the cause was great and wanted to do it, but really since I SAID I was going to do was a contract with myself I would not break.
Some call it determination, some call it stubbornness, but I am just a slave to my word.
This is also a problem at times. A problem because I take on way more than I can handle by doing this. I push and push and push, which I think leads to me completing everything on my list but none of it 100% perfect or how I would like to have finished it.
I am full of hope, possibility, and excitement lately with all the changes in my life. I am thinking about everything I want to do, but I have to admit it is a little daunting.
Everything from what kind of wedding to which dishes to keep. I feel like there are so many decisions.
And what I love love love love love love about Mr. Big Dog is that he helps me make them. I am not the only one trying to plan and organize. And I also love that NONE of them have to be decided tonight, even though I feel like they have a time bomb ticking with each and every single one of them. Like they have expiration dates linked to them. I know they don't because Mr. Big Dog reminds me they don't and he talks me down off the crazy ledge when I need him to the most.
So for now, I am going to keep my mouth shut and not commit to much if anything. I'm just going to breathe and finish all of my current projects until they are all done.
The first of which is to finish emptying all the moving boxes:( Wish me luck;)

Sunday, July 17, 2011

I am getting ready to move and give my little cottage to a new owner. I kept thinking it's just a house, it's just a material thing. But the closer it has gotten the more emotional it has become. It is the ending of a chapter in my life. It is a very purposeful step away from my old life. I have spent the last five years in that house. I didn't want to live there in the beginning and actually not for the first couple years. I pushed and pulled and dragged myself and him to make it a home. And for awhile it did resemble the home I thought I wanted. It looked from the outside like a loving happy couple with a cute little cottage. We together did pour sweat and tears into her, but in the end it was just four walls with a lot of clutter. And from the outside the vision was nice, but inside you could see the truth. You would see two people set far apart in constant battle. You would see two people not treating each other nicely or with love at all.

When he left, I was left with our house. And the house felt like home to me for the first time in a long time. It felt like something I could hold onto and part of me that I knew was there in that house. The house was something that wouldn't let me down, something consistent and strong. I had made her that way. So I loved her more and barricaded myself inside here for awhile. As I started to clean up the rubble of myself and tried to figure out who I was.....where I had been for 5 years I still don't know, she helped me through it all.

But as time has gone on, I think I have needed her less. I have realized home is wherever I make it. And home is also defined by the people you live with. That little cottage did it's job, it's purpose and has been a gift when I needed it most.

But now...bitter sweetly, I will let her go and continue on my path.....

She was my home alone, but now I am ready to let her go.

It is pouring here. I mean tsunami wet with liquid sunshine. It is July. Has anyone told God it is July, was the first thing I thought this morning. It is usually warm and sunny by now and in some areas unbearably hot.
But then the sound started to wash over me. The sound of rain is beautiful. Refreshing and relaxing. It is like God is washing everything. Washing it clean and making it new. Nourishing the ground, plants and all life. It feels like its erasing the bad and making it all new again.
So I opened more windows and sat and listened. Listened with my whole body and realized everything still happens like it is suppose to and everything is right in the world. Especially my world at the moment.
And then I had a good laugh as each of my dogs took about three steps outside and quickly ran back in as if they were going to melt in the rain.
The second time out they became hyper with rain energy and started wet laps around the kitchen;) They seem to feel the same way about the rain this morning.
Have a great rainy Sunday.....

Thursday, July 14, 2011

I gotta tell you, depression and stress really helps with running. And so with this epiphany, I have found I am too happy and stress free to run at the moment. I have to get moving and pick up my mileage for Hood to Coast. This will be my third Hood to Coast, and I would like to think each year would get easier and faster. However, I have only run twice in the last week and it was pain-ful!!! I mean I am slow and it's more of a walk opposed to the last two years. The last two years were so stressful and my personal life was so overdone with emotional junk that I think running kept me sane. I think my stamina is still used up a little from all the biking (at least that's what I am telling myself). And don't get me wrong the biking was great but there was an element of stress to push me.. the weekly commitment....oh and of course CANCER (really it was my motivator), and knowing people donated to the cause and were supporting me.

So solutions......Well I am not going to add un-needed stress for sure. For obvious reasons I am not going to change the climate of my happy mood:) So I am open for any advice. What can I do to get in the running zone again without my past motivators? I am trying a new play list to start:) But really I am lacking in motivation:(

Any suggestions.....

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

He is so stinking cute!! And he is growing so fast!!
He told me his mom's name is Mommy Roberts and I am Auntie Roberts. I explained to him I did not have the same last name and actually it would be Auntie Rios soon. He tried to say Rios but somehow a T got added.....Auntie Ritos...which was close enough:) Mr. Big Dog met up with us soon after and he tried to call him a Roberts too. I'm sure he'll get is soon, but for now it is just so cute that he's talking up a storm:)

Saturday, July 9, 2011

I am looking for yard furniture for our new house and I like older stuff. I am sweet on vintage well loved things. I love chippy paint and mismatched stuff. So when I was on good old Craig's the other night and I saw these I fell in love. I figured if they didn't work out for me I can take them to the Barn House craft fair...since I will be working the booth with my mom (and I will have a little pile of my own stuff to sell from the big move). So off I went at 7:30 at night across town to pick up some chairs.
Now these chairs are metal and non-flexible. And of course I drove across town to get them (prob 30miles at least!!) So they will be fitting in my car was the only thing I was thinking. But what if they don't? (was really in the back of my mind).

After about 20+ minutes of puzzle like maneuvering to get 4 of the 5 in. I was a little distraught to say the least. I wanted that last chair and I was going to make it fit!
So where there's a will, there's a way. I'm happy to say they all fit!!! Only after taking them all back out twice:(
Now I just need to pick which ones I want to keep;) But they are cute.......and I am now sure that ANYTHING can fit in my car if I really want it to....

Friday, July 8, 2011

Well......I am going to be officially homeless at the end of July. It's bittersweet because I love love love my little cottage. But it was never to be my forever home. I renovated every single corner of it back to a newer version of it's 1940's charm. I put a lot of love into her over the past 7 years and it actually just started to be complete this past year. I even loved how I decorated this past Christmas, soooo cozy and homey:)

Putting it on the market for sale just felt right....Mr. Big Dog and I had done a lot of talking and I felt like it was time.
I feel like I have to listen to that little voice inside and it was saying "time to sell, it will sell now." So after planning and lots of reflection I did it. And now Mr. Big Dog and I are starting to plan and combine our soon to be new home together. His home.

It's a newer, made to look older, farmhouse. At least that's what I call it. I think it is breath taking when you first see it.

I think it is a great house for us to make our first home together.
With all of that being said.....(sorry honey aka Mr.Big Dog) you can tell a man has lived in this house alone for awhile. It just isn't homey yet....but honey it will be:)
As my mom said "it's just dying for a woman's touch."
So over the next few months I will be giving it my loving touch and starting to make it more our home with Mr. Big Dog's help. I am excited to get into house projects and decorating.....Mr. Big Dog is a little nervous I think:)
But I kind of have a list and be ready for posts on projects and lots of before and afters.......I can't wait:)

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Mr. Big Dog and I were talking....we actually talk a lot. We talk about nothing and we talk about everything. And I think talking is so underrated. People should make it bold, highlighted, and neon lit when making something a priority in a relationship. Just TALKING.

We talk about the past, present and the future. We share everything. And I know to some people that may seem normal, easy and just mundane but I think for us it is a breath of fresh air. I can say honestly and from experience that this is not always the case in relationships. I know communication can be so hard, one sided and misinterpreted.
But for us it seems easy and so enjoyable.....

Mr. Big Dog was highlighting this the other night. We were discussing how much of a priority communication should always be with us. He had this great analogy about how we are picking each other as "lab partners for life in the classroom of life." I couldn't make this up if I wanted to:) But really it is a good analogy. After I called him a Hallmark card and accused him of finding this analogy somewhere on the Internet (which for the record I did google and could not yes he gets an A+ for originality) ....we talked about how we are learning about life together everyday and we are going to experience it together. We talked about how it's such a partnership as we start down this new engagement/marriage path.
What I do directly affects him, and vice-versa. We are working on a project together (aka a long life together full of happiness;) ) and no matter what we are in it together. Like lab partners we depend on one another, and want the best outcome with our partnership. Both being high achievers I think we are shooting for that grade A marriage people can envy and we are both fully satisfied and happy. We will take the good, bad and ugly as it comes and work through it.

Both of our past lab partners did not really pull their weight. And this is not to be mean, they just weren't the RIGHT lab partners.
And now I can say it is so different and feels so good to have my partner be someone I know I can depend on. I know he is motivated, thoughtful, determined, excited, optimistic, loving and just plain and simple will support his side of this relationship. Not to mention easy on the eyes and funny;) He loves me for me and supports me in all my craziness and at times my over the top goals and dreams.
I am not naive, I am not unrealistic. I know we will have hard times, it won't always be easy and perfect. But I do know that even when it's hard, it will be something we will get through with each other and God. I know we will be there for one another no matter what. I have so much faith about it that it feels like it's oozing out of my skin.
So I now have a perfect lab partner for life....and I know God planned him just for me:)

Monday, July 4, 2011

Just click on the link to see what Mr. Big Dog has put together.....he's pretty handy with the camera and computer;)

then type in the password: 2ofus

Sorry I've been away for a awhile....I have been super busy, put my house on the market....oh and it sold in a week!!! All while balancing work and extra to say I've been busy is an understatement. But now I am distracted by Mr. Big Dog more than ever;) You'll see what I mean with the link.....he's pretty dreamy:)

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