A couple months ago my dear girlfriend and her hubs started taking me with them to their church. Now mind you I am not am not ultra religious and I don't attend every Sunday. However, I am very spiritual (how can I not be with my job) I just haven't ever really been in a routine about organized religion.
And every single time so far, I have had the same experience. I don't know if they pump tear gas in or oil the pews with onions but I just.....cry and cry. And once I start, I can't stop. Maybe it's because it feels good to be in a place that seems to accept you for everything you are and aren't. You don't have to hide anything, like your big bad D or your dark sleep deprived baggy eyes. They take it all, He takes it all. The good the bad and the ugly. It's like a faucet turns on and I don't even care how I look. I just cry. And I feel this weight lifting off my shoulders that had re-accumulated over the past 3 weeks. I had just covered it up, probably with makeup and a new jacket and now it was evaporating. I hadn't cried, much if at all lately so I guess it was long over due.
My one girlfriend always says crying makes her feel worse, she feels extra worn down by it. And I do feel and know what she is saying, but I also feel like when I hold it in it hurts worse.
Every time I cry I seem to feel better even if it's just a little bit. I feel a little further up this hill (it's not a mountain anymore) and a little more okay.