I've been MIA, I know. Trying my best to adjust to my new life, as well as some computer troubles ever since I moved my computer to it's new place in my office.
Life goes on and I have responsibilities and commitments I made long ago. This hiccup in my life will not make me a flake, or at least this is the mind frame I am taking.
One of these commitments is the Hood to coast relay race August 27th & 28th, less than 2 months away (eeeekkk!). I will be running leg 3 (check it out!). It's the longest relay race in the world from Mt. Hood Oregon to Seaside, Oregon at the coast.
Last year we (my now ex-husband and I) ran it together for the first time which makes it bitter sweet. I think it will be good for me to do it alone (that is, without him) this year with my friends who really have come to bat at my darkest hour. And I am hoping for some kind of spiritual closure regarding my suddenly single status, to occur on my last leg. Last year I did have a very intimate conversation with the Almighty himself at mile 5 out of 7.2 of my second stretch (you run 3 legs total so I ran 3, 15, and 27). There is something so empowering about finishing 7.2 miles, after 3.5 earlier in the day, and then 8 hours later the last 6 miles. I mean, if you can do that, it makes you feel like you can do anything.
I get easily motivated by things like "The Biggest Loser" contestants running their marathon on TV, and, you know Oprah ran a marathon once. Then, I see pregnant woman running sometimes...all of these things make me think "Good god I have no excuse not to run." But all jokes aside I really started to run a year ago March. I had never run in my life. My dad made a joke once about how I ran like a girl and I remember thinking "I am a girl" but it made me self conscious and I didn't like running too much so I just kind of stopped really doing to much of it unless it involved another sport. I did envy those woman who were running in 5ks, 10ks, half marathons, marathons, you name it. I just thought "I could never do that!"
Then comes a year ago February. I took care of John. A 55 year old patient after a descending aneurysm repair. After a complication from surgery he was unable to walk. He was paralyzed from the waste down. I remember his face when I translated the neurosurgeon's over the top conversation of medical terms into one John could understand. The surgeon just kept saying "There is nothing we can do for you at this time, " which then John would innocently reply "When can you?" Finally I said what the neurosurgeon was too sad to say. "There is nothing we can do. You will not be able to walk again."
We cried together, John, his wife, and I. And to this day I think about him, so much so that the month after I took care of him I began running.
I run for John because I know if he could, he would. I mean, think about it. If someone said run 6 miles now or never walk again you would run. You would run everyday if you knew you would lose the ability to do so without running. It's something we all take for granted, and I decided that day as way to honor John's loss I would run for him.
I guess it comes with my job as a nurse. You see pain and outcomes sometimes you can not change at times. And as a way to personally work through them we cope in different ways. I began to run. At times when life gets hard you can always look to someone who seems to have a more difficult situation going on. This divorce is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure, but I know I have so much to be grateful for including my legs. And I know I will endure and survive this.
I run off the pain and hurt, and I am healing a day at a time. Or should I say mile by mile . A little Tom Petty helps too. Any recommendations for a good get over it soundtrack to run too?