Friday, October 29, 2010


It's been 4 years since my family changed forever. And I looked hard at that tonight. Really hard. Look how far we have all come. Look how great it is that I can go out and meet my mom for dinner on a Friday night here in Portland, when I never thought she would move here. Instead of a phone call to Reno, Nevada I get to see her face to face.
Look how we all dusted ourselves off and continued. Maybe with a couple bandaids in place, but we're still walking and talking.
We are tough women in my family. Really. When life gives us lemons we're not all talk, we really make lemonade. My mom adds a little umbrella to it, my sister markets it for a business plan, and so far I just drink it but you get my drift.....
My sister amazes me everyday. She has her little family, my sweet nephew who she is fabulous with and then to add a cherry to the top they are about to do a beautiful thing and adopt a child from Ethiopia. My mom now lives here and can actually driver herself without getting lost from Vancouver to North Portland, which alone amazes me. And she works two jobs and still has time for cookie baking. She started over and you would think she's lived here for 20 years. All with a smile on her face.
As for me I have about 5 pokers in the fire at the moment just pushing to see where my path will take me.
I guess my point is that everything is just so different than what I would have ever expected, but perfect at the same time.

I hate to say it, but I always knew I would be at the place I am at now. I knew in my heart, I knew with all my mind that I would not stay married to him forever. Sad but true, but I guess I just wanted to ride that ride while it lasted. Ride that ride until it stopped. Weird how I knew it but I did it anyway. I think part of it was just to try to force my own family, when everything else was falling apart.

But today is a little bit of a celebration. I finished a huge project:). And most importantly..... I realized I am really okay.

And the people I love are okay. They are really okay. They are unbreakable strong people and I love them for that.

Everyone is okay, which makes me more okay in a sick twisted empathetic kind of way;) And everyday I am a little bit stronger...


  1. You're too kind to me. What a great realization about why you went through with the marriage. I hadn't thought of the connection before. It's amazing that the list of how his selfishness screwed us keeps growing ;) Hopefully we're coming to the end

  2. My life has been deeply affected by a selfish father as well, but in a different way. It was abuse in my childhood and my mother did not protect me.

    As a woman now in her 50s, I was finally able to face my past and have been working hard to overcome those effects now for 5+ years. It has been a hard journey, but one that has made me a stronger (and hopefully, better) woman.

    I have not arrived yet, maybe one never does, but I have read your blog (being introduced to it by your mother's writing)and just want to cheer you on! You are young; you are gifted; you have much to give! From my perspective, I predict your future is bright!! Wishing you all the best!

  3. Funny how there s ALWAYS a silver lining in every challenge and roadblock we hit in're doing just fine, Hunny Bunny, and you're exactly where you are supposed to be.
    Your Mama
    ps. ...being able to meet for dinner in person AND get unsolicited dating slash love-life advice is just one of the MANY silver linings I've been blessed with!

  4. I know exactly what you mean about knowing all along you wouldn't stay married and it wasn't day at a time. You are doing wonderfully!


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