Monday, October 18, 2010

Asking for directions

Have you ever been at a place in your life where you have absolutely no idea which way to go? Right, left, up, down, any direction....completely lost? Sometimes I feel like I don't even know my name let alone what I want. So lost and I am just trying to stay on the road or the path let alone know where I am even heading.
Tonight I just want to let go. I want to let it all go and just let fate lead me. Why is that so hard? Why can't I just trust? That is what it is really about, trust. Not like I trust myself anymore than God. But geeze, if I could just let go I think I am bound to head in some direction.
I just want a sign. Any sort of sign would do. This standstill mundane no direction, no clue is killing me. I need to get going. I need to figure it out. Time is ticking....ticking....
Maybe I should pack up and move to Vegas, or maybe New York, no no ....California? Just run like hell from my current life. A fresh start sounds like a no-brainer some days. Or should I get focused and get into school? Graduate in 2.5 years and start another career? Be more responsible...and productive with my time now. Or maybe I can learn guitar and start a band this week.....something completely different and insane, even bring back the side pony as a fashion statement.
But seriously, the lesson I think I am supposed to be learning here is trust and patience. Both of which I lack significantly. Just not my comfort zone to trust or be patient. I don't have a good record in the trust department. I trusted and was let down over and over again. I have NO control and need to just ask for directions. Ask for God to know take the wheel. So tonight, after crying in a dairy queen napkin on my way home I stopped and asked him for directions. Hopefully he'll get back to me soon....


  1. Sometimes "things" do NOT happen overnight. We are not the driver of the bus. Many, many times I have looked at sale ads to see if by chance I could buy a big bag of patience. That made me think I was making progress in the patience department. Perhaps it's the maturity process that brings patience; not just in years but in all the good things that surrounds us. It's your time in life to just enjoy all the good stuff that's coming your way.

  2. Your Grandma's is the time for you to just enjoy all the good stuff that's coming to you. Relax and stop looking so hard.

    Your Mama

  3. Lindsey, you are a special gift to all who know you, you'll figure it out darling girl.....

    The Other Tracey


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