Monday, October 18, 2010

Asking for directions

Have you ever been at a place in your life where you have absolutely no idea which way to go? Right, left, up, down, any direction....completely lost? Sometimes I feel like I don't even know my name let alone what I want. So lost and I am just trying to stay on the road or the path let alone know where I am even heading.
Tonight I just want to let go. I want to let it all go and just let fate lead me. Why is that so hard? Why can't I just trust? That is what it is really about, trust. Not like I trust myself anymore than God. But geeze, if I could just let go I think I am bound to head in some direction.
I just want a sign. Any sort of sign would do. This standstill mundane no direction, no clue is killing me. I need to get going. I need to figure it out. Time is ticking....ticking....
Maybe I should pack up and move to Vegas, or maybe New York, no no ....California? Just run like hell from my current life. A fresh start sounds like a no-brainer some days. Or should I get focused and get into school? Graduate in 2.5 years and start another career? Be more responsible...and productive with my time now. Or maybe I can learn guitar and start a band this week.....something completely different and insane, even bring back the side pony as a fashion statement.
But seriously, the lesson I think I am supposed to be learning here is trust and patience. Both of which I lack significantly. Just not my comfort zone to trust or be patient. I don't have a good record in the trust department. I trusted and was let down over and over again. I have NO control and need to just ask for directions. Ask for God to lead....you know take the wheel. So tonight, after crying in a dairy queen napkin on my way home I stopped and asked him for directions. Hopefully he'll get back to me soon....

3 comments:

  1. Sometimes "things" do NOT happen overnight. We are not the driver of the bus. Many, many times I have looked at sale ads to see if by chance I could buy a big bag of patience. That made me think I was making progress in the patience department. Perhaps it's the maturity process that brings patience; not just in years but in all the good things that surrounds us. It's your time in life to just enjoy all the good stuff that's coming your way.

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  2. Your Grandma's right...now is the time for you to just enjoy all the good stuff that's coming to you. Relax and stop looking so hard.

    Your Mama

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  3. Lindsey, you are a special gift to all who know you, you'll figure it out darling girl.....

    The Other Tracey

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