I am getting ready to move and give my little cottage to a new owner. I kept thinking it's just a house, it's just a material thing. But the closer it has gotten the more emotional it has become. It is the ending of a chapter in my life. It is a very purposeful step away from my old life. I have spent the last five years in that house. I didn't want to live there in the beginning and actually not for the first couple years. I pushed and pulled and dragged myself and him to make it a home. And for awhile it did resemble the home I thought I wanted. It looked from the outside like a loving happy couple with a cute little cottage. We together did pour sweat and tears into her, but in the end it was just four walls with a lot of clutter. And from the outside the vision was nice, but inside you could see the truth. You would see two people set far apart in constant battle. You would see two people not treating each other nicely or with love at all.
When he left, I was left with our house. And the house felt like home to me for the first time in a long time. It felt like something I could hold onto and part of me that I knew was there in that house. The house was something that wouldn't let me down, something consistent and strong. I had made her that way. So I loved her more and barricaded myself inside here for awhile. As I started to clean up the rubble of myself and tried to figure out who I was.....where I had been for 5 years I still don't know, she helped me through it all.
But as time has gone on, I think I have needed her less. I have realized home is wherever I make it. And home is also defined by the people you live with. That little cottage did it's job, it's purpose and has been a gift when I needed it most.
But now...bitter sweetly, I will let her go and continue on my path.....
She was my home alone, but now I am ready to let her go.