Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Love hate relationship

I love the first hour I am awake each morning. The quietness, the coldness, the sun not up yet. Depending on the day I bounce out of bed or slowly migrate to the kitchen and start my day. The dogs are buzzing around ready to attack any squirrels in the yard that may have intruded over night. They have a little ritual of stretching, doggie yawning, and collar shaking they do by the back door before I let them out to explore. I swear they check the whole yard before getting too cold and running back to my warm house. As if they have never been out in the yard.
But this time can also be when my mind wanders. Hate is a strong word, it's actually just uncomfortable. This quiet time when I am truly by myself for the morning to think and sort through my day to come. Or I should say it's just god and I. Time to just think and breath. Do I take a left or a right? Am I doing everything I "should" be doing? Am I missing any signs?
It's the same no matter if I am at a cabin in Sunriver or my little cottage here in P-town. It's the same if I wake up in my bed alone or next to someone, my mind is still alone for a while even when I am with someone. Just thinking, just planning, just searching. Always taking this minute to sort it out again and again to make sure I am not missing anything.
And at the end I am ready to take on my day, let things happen as they are going to, and just be and do the best I can.....whatever that may be.
Now if I just had a Starbucks in my kitchen this whole morning thing would be a little better. But I guess I will have to just stop by on my way to work like all the other addicted Americans.

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