Long time no talk

I don't know how it happened but it has been awhile since I last blogged. Life gets so busy sometimes. So I am still here for the record......

I am getting ready for my ride, yes my big 100 mile ride is THIS weekend. I have been training for this since January, thinking about it since last November and talking about it constantly. It is finally here.

I have trained in lots of rain, wind, ice and even hail all thinking about this ride at Lake Tahoe. The veterans on my team all have encouraged and talked about how the weather will be great in Tahoe and the cold weather will be a distant memory.

But this year things are not looking so warm or dry. This year it has been wet and colder everywhere and Tahoe is looking like it will not be anything like it usually is.

My team keeps checking the forecast and it says 53 and rain:(

So today I am packing all my rain gear as well as some warmer weather type of clothes.

I can't believe it is here and I am so ready for it. Even if it is in the rain.

I think it is weird how sometimes I see myself in situations after the fact that have an ironic twist to them. I was in Reno this time last year so see my newest nephew. I had a completely different life. I was miserable, unhappy, unhealthy, and just sad overall little did I realize at the time. And that will be exactly a year ago......and now I am riding 100 miles around Lake Tahoe and beyond. I am the happiest I have ever been, I am healthy, and excited about how much my life has yet to experience.

Ironic how the dates collide....ironic how I am doing something I would have never dreamed I could do. Just ironic......and fabulous all at the same time.

Weird how life does that.....exactly a year and I didn't even realize it until this week.

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Babies are such a nice way to start people.

-- Don Herro

I love this quote, because it's so true. Babies are wonderful little butterballs of cuteness!

I have another good friend in labor this morning. She is my second friend to keep the gender a surprise for everyone, including herself and her hubs. I don't know if I could do it.....could you? I mean not know what you're having...... Kind of fun;)

Well for now I am sending thoughts love and hoping for as comfortable labor as possible.

By the end of today we should know what the little one is;) For now I am thinking cupcakes are in order!!!

Have a great day!

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Crystal ball round two.....

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who have loved him"

-1 Corinthians 2:9

I read this a lot the first couple of months into my new life. I had faith that everything happens for a reason and there was something much much better waiting for me at the end of this journey...... but with that being said you also have heard me talk about the crystal ball and how I would die for one. Not anymore.

If someone had sat me down a exactly a year ago and said "your life is going to be 180 degrees different, much better and happier then you could have every dreamed, and you'll be riding 75 miles on a bike" I would have keeled over. Literally, I would have bocked at them, probably called them a liar, or laughed hysterically. And honestly, I would not have for a second been able to truly feel or understand the magnitude of how great it really would be. Words would not have been enough and actually words are still not enough.

Today I conquered an amazing feet and goal, I road 75 miles with my team. I can not lie that I did not want to go this morning. I wanted to stay in bed and wallow in my post migraine hangover. I did NOT feel good.

But Mr.Big Dog came to the rescue (another amazing blessing in my life:) ). He pushed Team Lindsey and motivated (I mean dragged) me from my bed. He lovingly force fed me a banana/oatmeal/protein drink and pushed me toward the car.

As I drove to the starting point I began to think.....who am I? Really who is this woman? So much of the original me has returned but I have added a renovation and addition to boot.

I have pushed myself so far physically with this bike ride I feel like anything is possible. I feel and now know that I can do anything. I don't care if it sounds cocky but I AM a force to be reckoned with. I am determined, empowered and fearless. And I know my faith in God having a plan for me is a huge part of why I have come so far in such a short amount of time. I am not saying this is an easy thing but any means, but how can you not see God working everyday? In the weather, in my mom getting a job, in me not getting into graduate school? You can see what you want to see, but I see nothing but positive higher power working. How else could I possibly ride 75 miles?

I am blessed to have people in my life that have supported me through this past year, and thankful for the new people who have been part of my transformation.

And the biggest part of this day, the biggest part of this moment is the realization that I should be proud of myself and I should share it.

My old self, my old pitiful self would down play what I have been through. She would have not even attempted half of it and then she would not have shared her accomplishments because she didn't want to make HIM feel badly about himself. I know this doesn't make any sense, but that is how I lived. Responding and acting out of how someone else would take it or feel.

So I am not shouting from the roof tops, thanking God, and smiling ear to ear because I KNOW everything happens just like it is suppose to....just like God wants it to.

And I am ready for my 100 mile bike ride in 3 weeks. I am ready and I am going to squash it! :)

PS: if you zoom in on the photo you just may see a little dot at the top of that hill....it's me:)

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I am sad to say Number 507 didn't make it:(

I am starting a long stretch off from my big girl job, thank goodness. So my first day off I want to start plowing though a much too long do list so I can really enjoy having nothing to do.

Cleaning my house, cleaning out my car (which lately is filled with so much junk it' s like my second home), run errands, bake an order of cupcakes for a baby shower, and Saturday ride 75 miles.

So with all great intention I began my morning early with tackling the car. And while out in my driveway I kept hearing this little chirping. I followed it into my garage. After about 20mins I captured a little hurt finch with a t-shirt out of my donation pile and put him in a shoe box. His wing was hurt and he couldn't fly.

Never a dull moment here, I now had a bird to deal with. How could I not? He was so little and helpless and he was trying to pitifully fly:(

So off to the vet, I mean where else could I take it? They then directed me to the Audubon Society, which is an awesome wildlife refuge/rehabilitation center.

Off we went, house a mess, car half clean and little birdy in a converse shoe box. Did I mention I hadn't showered yet? Isn't that how it always works?

Anyways, once I got there a very nice lady volunteer took the little guy to the back to check him in. They had birds everywhere who had become permanent tenants because they weren't able to return to the wild. Each had their own little bio/resume hanging next to them...along with how much it costs to take care of them so you would feel encouraged to donate to supporting them:) There was a huge hawk named SID eating mice in one cage, and his neighbors were some love birds Jack and Lillie. Their story involved unrepairable wings a couple years ago. The woman had me fill out a questionnaire for my little feathered friend and told me he was assigned number 507. If he was treatable I could call and check on him daily.

Another woman came in with a hummingbird that had crashed into her sliding glass door.....he was 508. As I waited for 507's prognosis I began to think about how great it is there are people out there who support things like this. There was a whole community at this center just there for the birds. Mostly woman from what I could tell, and they were all so passionate about the birds. I was thinking of a name for my little finch, for when I would be calling to see how he was doing over the next couple days. I had this fantasy already brewing in my mind of how he would be released back into the world after the Audubon society had nursed him back to health.

The bird specialist girl came back out. "I'm sorry but he has a virus we can't treat, but he won't suffer and we are glad you brought him in." I was a little shocked and upset, remember I was daydreaming that I would be able to call and check on him daily:( I was ready to put the number in my phone and name him:(

Disappointed I thanked them and decided to keep a little place in my heart for the Audubon Society. I mean, how can you not have a place in your heart for bird nurses? Everybody needs a nurse, everything needs a nurse, even little birds.

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Do I have a need for speed?

Can I just say I have always been fast. Fast to think, fast to talk, and at times a fast driver. I am one of those people who does not read directions before putting something together and I don't read things entirely but try to understand by skimming. I am busy and rush through a lot of things, this is my nature and it is not a good thing. I do not recommend this quality to anyone.

I have always been a little lead footed, speedy behind the wheel, and kind of a limit pusher with automobiles. In fact, I am embarrassed to say I received my first speeding ticket the same day I got my license:( I am not kidding, my mom kept the ticket in my photo album....which I then promptly was grounded from driving for...um...I think a week.

And now my history I has continued to average about 1-2 speeding tickets every two years.

That is until this year. Which in my defense, I think the economy and the federal/state budgets are on the hunt for people like me to help fund projects and keep jobs.....I'm just saying.

I had a ticket in November and then in February. Then in my mailbox I found a nice little scary letter from the DMV stating my license is in jeopardy of suspension. This is what is said but not what I read. I just saw: SUSPENSION!!!??? I had skimmed the letter in my true Lindsey fashion. SUSPENSION?? Was all I read, oh no....this is god's way of making me ride my bike all the time. I saw the words suspension and May 5-June 15Th and all I could think was.....I guess it's good I have a bike. This is going to be a challenge but I have a bike. All in my neurotic Lindsey worst case scenario I was now mentally plotting my work routes and thinking how Mr. Big Dog could take me to the grocery store. How embarrassing!! I was also thinking how I need to slow down and this was my warning. All the while not realizing I was so panicked and hurried that I didn't even really read the letter.

So I took a deep breath and I read the letter again (if you call reading what I did the first time) without my adult ADD and read it twice slowly. I do not have a suspended license....yet. YIPPEE!! But if I get even one more ticket in the next couple months it will be. Instead I am just suspended from driving between the hours of 12am and 5am. Which I am never driving then so I should be okay.

So moral of the story, don't speed and read things slowly;) I think I will start riding my bike more though now that the weather is getting better. And lord knows I need to slow down:)

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Ferdinand the Bull

Between Mr. Big Dog and I we have four dogs between us......yes I said four.

Anyways, Mr. Big Dog's dog Jay (now that's a tongue twister) is in my opinion the best behaved gentle giant our of the pack. He's just lovey and mellow:)

Whenever I am out in the yard with all of them, Jay just hangs and lays by the trees. So it was funny when Mr. Big asked me if I had ever seen the cartoon Ferdinand the Bull.

Nope, hadn't seen it. But after watching it....there is an erie resemblance to Jay:) And now that I think about it....he may just be close to the same size of a bull;)

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What doesn't kill me can only make me stronger....right?

Well I am proud to say: Today I rode 66 miles for leukemia, lymphoma, myeloma, and Hodgkin's with my team. But I really can not believe how hard this is and has been.

I think this is the hardest physical thing I ever done. I mean ever. And mentally as well....you know the saying "do something everyday that scares you." Well I think that goes hand in hand with this training.

I am not being dramatic, I am not exaggerating. I have been scared to the highest level so far in my 31 year old life several times with this training. Like going 38 mph on a bike down a very curvy road with no bike lane and cars wishing by you. This was a couple rides back. But I had a physical reaction to the point of shaking once I reached the bottom of the hill, but I never quit and never stopped. Since then I have been getting used to the speed and inclines with practice but I have still been scared. Scared that I can't finish this undertaking I have signed up for. Scared that I got in over my head. Scared I will let my team down but not pulling my weight physically or financially but making the minimum fundraising amount.

But I have not quit or stopped, I just keep plugging along. And I can tell you this has not been easy. I have been near tears or in tears several times. But I just keep trying.

And days like today, when I finish 66 miles against my mind saying NO and my body shaking and wanting to quit.....I did not and I did it.

And weeks like last week, when I was at 2,100 dollars towards my minimum of 3,600....I pulled in another 1,000 dollars with cupcakes and more supporters donating.

This just shows...where there's a will...there will always be a way.

So I am more confident tonight that I am getting stronger and this ride will not kill me. I will meet my fundraising goal by my ride. And will all this hard work and determination I will be a better Lindsey for sure.

But as for tonight: I am so tired I could cry, I can barely walk with soreness, and I do still have another 500 dollars minimum to push for:) But if offered leukemia or 100 miles on a bike, I know what the anyone would choose. So I will continue riding;)

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