I'm trying, really I'm trying

People all over the place are fighting some kind of battle right? Unemployment, infertility, loss of some kind or another. Life is hard sometimes, and sometimes it seems like all the negative things are happening at the same time or back to back.
Our household has been sick on and off, but pretty much on since New Years eve. Mr. Big Dog's work has been heavy. I have been seeing how two days a week working at my big girl job as a nurse feels and works with our little family since February. And littlest mister turned ONE last week (more on that in another post). It's been busy as life is and can be. Really I like busy. I like having a little bit of chaos. I'm one of those people who functions better with more on my plate. Give me one thing and I may never get it done, give me 15 and they'll be done by noon. Just how I'm made.

But what I am not made for, what I am not good at, what I do not enjoy, is being held back and down.

I like to participate and not be on the sidelines. I like to help and not be helped. I like to give and not take so much. And I really don't like having this be the situation with my two little guys being my primary job everyday. I stay home 95% and when I'm down it doesn't work well for our TEAM.

A week ago I spend the day in the ER with an angry gallbladder and then yesterday had to have it taken out. Did I also say nurses and probably mothers are the worst patients? Well we are. The procedure was easy peasy quick down and dirty, but the recovery not so much. I'm suppose to relax, take a load off, recuperate.

But all I can think of is all that needs to be done, all I can't do, and how much I don't want to make any lemonade. A pity party you can call it. Which I hope is dissipating as I put these words online here. I need an attitude adjustment or a magic wand, and I really think a wand is never gonna happen.

So maybe I'll actually write more with this forced horrible vacation......maybe GOD thinks I need this forced break.....so here's to lemonade :)

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Where has the time gone?

It's been WAY too long since I've posted. I can blame being busy with my 2 wild boys but really I think I also have been in a little bit of blog block. I've tried to write a couple times but no words have come to land on these pages. And my mind is kind of like what I picture someone with A.D.D to be like currently.....example:
Note to self: I need a new header picture on this blog. Gotta add Windex to my grocery list....wait I swear I bought Windex at Target. Did I call and make Miah's doctor appt? The clothes need to go in the dryer. Why do I not have a decent family picture of us as a family of 4? Oh no, I'm gonna blink and have no pictures of us all together and the boys will be 30. Where is that Windex?

Seriously, this is how my mind is lately. So when it comes to this blog I guess I've just been blocked and distracted at the same time. Nothing holding my attention long enough to actually write.

Motherhood is good and exhausting. I can't even stand how adorable Jeremiah is and he's starting to be a little mischievous lately. He likes to turn on the bathtub facet he can reach in our bathroom. I tell him no sweetly and he just smiles and turns in on and off with this little glimmer in his eye. I also think my heart might explode when the two of them play together. Jonah is so gentle with him but they chase each other around the kitchen as I make dinner almost every single night. Jonah asks "wheres Jer-e-Miah?" Constantly if he's napping......and that is exactly how he says it.

Jonah is still obsessive with books....he goes through withdrawals if we don't make and appearance at the library at least once a week, and this mama starts to get a little coo coo as well since I can only read a book 50 times before I start feeling crazy. Miah is getting a little more into books but really he is more interested in big brother and likes to point and climb on everything. He's figured out how to thrash just right when you're holding him so that he gets put down quick, then he is practically running with his Frankenstein like arms ahead of him to any electrical outlet, facet (as I mentioned earlier), or staircase as quickly as possible. I think he really thinks this is his job, to try to get to any of these things before being apprehended by me or Mr. Big Dog. My relentless little Tugboat.

So really that's where I've been, that's where I'll be and hopefully I won't be on as long of a hyades between now and my next post........

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730 days already

I can't believe he's two today. He's growing too fast. Lightning speed and to match he is a whirlwind of endless energy and constant conversation. He's sweet, observant and so interested in everything life has to offer. He made me a mama and has given me the lesson of slowing down to see the world through his new eyes everyday.
Things like trees dancing and ants climbing on the garage door are part of a daily reminder he gives me to slow down and appreciate it all.

Happy Birthday Jonah Matthew. I am thankful for you everyday and thankful you made me a mama.

We love you!!!

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Growing pains

Life gets busy and hectic quickly lately. It's hard to remember what day it is and all the sudden another week has blown by. This is such a short and busy season and it seems like just yesterday I was pregnant with Jonah. Now Miah is half a year old. 

This time is sweet but hard. Hard to get anything done on a do list. But not hard to just sit and play with them. Hard to not feel guilty about not cleaning or having dinner on the table, but feeling good about how much time I am present with these two. 

The growing pains I am feeling are that of fitting snugly into this title of mother, wife, partner, side kick, nurse, woman, daughter, sister, daughter in law, and friend. It's a lot to accomplish. 

Sometimes I feel like a Jack of all and master of none. 

The one I am most successful with at the moment is momma. Which truthfully is most important to me currently, as I feel it should be. 

But then the others are lacking...some way more than others.

I want to be the best I can with each role but sometimes the best I can be is not the best for the other person in the receiving relationship. So I try again and again. I try again and again to learn how to make each part of this puzzle fit together and live in harmony. 

I push forward with one and then feel another lacking, I give more to one and take from another. 

And it's exhausting. And I am not looking for a solution, as I know there is only the one of trial and error and work and thoughtful reflection to keep trying to balance. This will continue to be a battle forever. I just have to forgive myself and try again and let those out there know I am trying. And I am doing my best. The neglect is not on purpose or because I don't care. There is just so much of me, which sometimes (like today) feels like there's just not enough of. 

So for today I try again to fit into all these roles at wholly as I can. And realize....This is the day that the lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it. 

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Jeremiah Cha Cha Cha......

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart. - Jeremiah 1:5


Pork chop, cuddle-butt, buba, little brother, Jeremiah cha cha cha, little man, Miah, sweet Jeremiah are just a handful of the names we have for him.
The fourth member of our Team is fitting in perfectly. He loves his big brother and watches him constantly. He squeals when big brother laughs or jumps around putting on a special show just for him to watch.
He likes to cuddle in bed with us around 4am until his brother gets up around 7. Then they both cuddle in bed with us for a little while with lots of "good morning Jeremiah" from big brother. We all slowly make it to the kitchen for coffee, milk, and some form of bread product with "JAM" on it for big brother. He loves Jam lately. All the while Jeremiah is watching his brother from my lap. He started solids and is loving them. He sits in his high chair next to big brother. Both in highchairs next to each other is just too adorable.
All and all the dust is settling nicely here. It was rough, I'm not gonna lie but it was so worth it. Those first 4 months of trying to balance them both was hard to get down but I think we are finally doing it well.

Both Mr. Big Dog and I have know a Jeremiah in our younger lifetime. Both of us thought fondly of them and their name. It is a strong name and he is strong boy. It is a solid name and he is a solid boy. He makes his presence known when he wants to but doesn't seem to make himself the center of attention. More like I'll let you know when I need you, or hey I'm over here if you need me. Then other times he just goes with the flow of the family and hangs out taking it all in.

He and big brother are bonding with hand holding, Miah grabs at him and really anything in his reach lately. I know it is very early but I see bunk beds and middle of the night chatting and laughing in their future. I see flash lights and tent camping in the backyard. Adventures on bikes and wrestling with daddy. I love being a boys mama and I especially love my boys and how our family is developing.

For I know the plans I have for you Plans to prosper you not harm you Plans to give you hope and future - Jeremiah 29:11

Miah is very similar to his brother but oh so different at the same time.  He is so perfect and was made just for us. Both are very active and strong, like can hardly hold in your arms when they want to move around. But Miah seems more cuddly, and likes to be held more often it seems. As oppose to big brother who we called "the observer" who sometimes just wanted to be put down to watch you.  Both seem to have loud voices when they started babbling those lovely baby babbles. Miah has a little hoarseness to his voice sometimes, which I wonder if it will stay. And physically you can definitely tell they are brothers. It's uncanny how you could mix up the pictures of them, but then they look so different too. Miah's mouth is a little more like daddy's I think. Jonah seems to have more of mommy's smile.

I am feeling blessed to have two boys, blessed the colic is over of course, blessed to get to stay home with them and watch every milestone happen before my eyes.

The hours are long, the pay is poor but every second of my job is amazing and I wouldn't trade it for a million dollars.......

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I might give my right eye for the cure for colic

God only gives you as much as you can handle right? Poor little mister has officially been diagnosed with colic...and a severe case at that. He has had some miserable days and tends to really be the most uncomfortable from 2 to 4 am unfortunately. His tummy seems upset and at times there is nothing I or anyone else can do to soothe him.
He's healthy, already at 12 lbs, and so strong with loving tummy time and lifting his head so high I think he might try to roll over if he tilts just a little to the left or right.
He has been giving me smiles already at 5 weeks old. He seems to have even given his big brother a couple smiles and coos, which is so heart melting. He is happy at times but then he is also afflicted with these fits that come over him and just make him look so physically uncomfortable.

These fussy crying fits that overcome him are so painful for me to watch and I now really do understand a parent's pain of not being able to soothe your child. Especially when they are so new to the world. But just when I think I can't handle the fussy crying a second longer, like nails on a chalkboard or just the nerve racking of him being so upset for so long.... God calms him and helps him to sleep. Or even gives him a full night like last night where he is able to eat and go back to sleep without the rage from 2-4am. For him and myself the break was much needed.

Besides God himself some other things that are helping little mister get some rest and relief are:

Swaddling. Big brother liked being swaddled too, so of course we were already fans but he seems to get some comfort from it.

The swing or mama-roo: He seems to sleep much better upright and with a little constant movement. The swing is on constantly at night in our room. And the vibrating button is a must as well.

The pacifier: Sometimes yes, sometimes no....depends on his mood at the moment.

Sound machine: Again something big brother loved as an infant. The ocean sound is a favorite at the moment and helps us to not have to be silent around him as he sleeps. It looks like a sheep which is cute too.

Mama's milk: Sometimes that is all that soothes him, boob = silent peace and calm....and eventually sleep...but sometimes he is too upset for even that.

Gerber's Soothe Colic drops: This is a pro biotic was are trying per the recommendation of his Dr. It helps change the bacteria in the gut...which is found to be a little off in colic inflicted babies. And helps 50% of the time....still can't tell if its helping or not but we are hopeful.

Daddy wearing him in the baby Bjorn and walking around: He will usually pass out this way after a short while.

The car: Like most books, websites, fellow parents suffering from colic inflicted babes....this will most of the time get little mister to sleep.

Anyways, the length of colic in infants is suppose to last until they are 3-4 months old, so hopefully we are halfway thru this timeline. Poor little mister......

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Jeremiah has arrived.....

Two days overdue, exhausted and just plain ready we went with the advice of our midwife to have an induction on March 19th. I'm not gonna lie, it was scary. After our last birth experience with Jonah and knowing too much being in health care myself, induction might as well been a four letter word. I of course trusted whole heartily my midwife and used her judgement to guide us.

Day and night is the best way to describe our newest little mister coming to us. Jonah came in like a lion and labor was 18 hours with the last 2 1/2 pushing. Who we now know to be Jonah's little brother, Jeremiah was a mere 8 hours of labor with oh.....15 mins of pushing.

I can't say how much relief we have with Jeremiah being here, healthy, and my personal recovery being much gentler this time around. I want to say it even makes my latest sleepless nights less brutal and more tolerable.

Jonah is adjusting quite better than we anticipated for a 17 month old. The newness at least hasn't worn off at this point. He calls him "my miah" and "brother" sweetly. He talks to him in jibber jabber and shows him his cars/trucks. He is as gentle as 17 month old can be and wants to "kiss miah" often. We really couldn't ask for a better start to adding Jeremiah to our family.

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2:45am, a migraine and a restless mind

Expectations are hard to overcome. Due dates are a joke in my body's world. And it's horrible how my mind can put me into a tail spin of stress resulting in my first migraine in probably 7-8 months.
Maybe it's the hormones, but my pounding head seems to have a direct correlation to my racing thoughts and fears about this upcoming delivery date.

Of course I can't make myself go into labor. And I can't have any complete peace of mind until this little one gets here. I am my own worst enemy. My mind won't shut off.

My body is tired, my mind exhausted. I try to talk myself down off the ledge over and over but really only get moments of peace when I think back to little mister's delivery. And how everything will be alright. I think about my faith in God and how arrogant it is to have any worry when he is the one in control. How it's easy to say but hard to do. To let go control and really realize what will be will be. He will take care of it all.

I want what all mothers want, I healthy baby. A safe delivery. My family to be okay without me being able to take care of anything/anyone for a couple days. My heart is heavy as I am starting to fall apart physically, emotionally and mentally from this last part of the marathon. I am so tired.

But as I don't know how I will take even one more step, I have to. I must and so it starts.
He is already working and I am just along for the ride. When you think you just can't go any further, and then you do somehow. That's not me....it's him.

And so I head back to bed, for tomorrow may just be the first birthday of a new little cherub here on Earth......

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Waiting for the pot to boil

My wedding ring officially does not fit anymore due to weight/swelling.

Nothing really fits at this point, even most of the maternity is ill fitting and tight. Nothing comfortable except sexy sweat pants that actually have a hole on seam of the crotch.

I'm almost 39 weeks and in the last 5 miles of this mental marathon.
I don't know if it's just me, or do others get to this point? If they do they mask it well. I'm physically feeling done and mentally I'm getting there.


Everyday I think this may be the last as our little family of 3. I cuddle little mister a little longer lately and even that is becoming harder and harder physically.

Every other step seems to ache and hurt. Sleep is becoming more and more non-existent. And I have had a couple boughs of contractions that tease me just enough into thinking the "big event" might be starting.

So for now I wait. Which feels like eternity. Others wait too. They wait of the call, they wait to find out if it's a he or a she. They wait for it all......the pot just simmering and not feeling close enough to a boil for me.

He only gives you as much as you can handle. He pushes you to your limit and sometimes beyond what you may think that limit is.

I'm at the starting line waiting for the gun to fire, I'm holding the college entrance examine waiting for the teacher to say start on the timer, I'm just waiting and sometimes that is the hardest part. 

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The final countdown, and a trip down memory lane.....

It's probably totally normal to compare pregnancy one to number two, but from everything I've read lately they can be polar opposite in every single way.
With little mister I never had a single second of nausea, but I did have this black hole of hunger that would over come me in the first trimester. I'm talking HANGRY hunger and even after putting away a whole meal it was still not quenched. I also remember my skin starting to really feel tight about this time with little mister. Like water balloon tight all over and my maternity jeans being a chore to pull up over my widening hips. So with number two I'm the same weight but my body seems to be holding he/she differently. Pants still easy to get on and my tummy seems higher for some reason. Nausea was there in the first trimeter for sure but left by the second.
Who knows, all the wives tales may lead you to think it's one gender or another....but only time will tell if it's a little brother or little sister.

I realized I haven't ever told little mister's birth story in writing. And part of this blog is a time capsule for my little family to look back and read about our adventures and how life unfolds for us. So with that in mind, before I have a new story to tell I thought I should put it out there in black and white about how little mister came to us.

I was due October 19th, which would be 40 weeks pregnant. However at 36 weeks my midwife began to say my body was getting ready. And this is also when those weekly appointments begin. So week 37, 38, and 39 all showed more and more how "ready" my body was becoming. I was dilating and effacing and all looked "so promising" for a first time mom. I had even stopped working at 36 weeks because my body seemed to be about to go into labor with what I fondly referred to as lightning crotch with about every 10th step. My job as a nurse in the CVICU was very physically demanding and people were starting to feel my limping waddling discomfort personally those last few weeks. My midwife said no more and to not push all the walking on the trail by our house I had been doing (1.5 miles out and then 1.5 back...which then would lead to no walking for 3-4 days due to the hip and lightning crotch unfortunately).
So off work, off walking for exercise, and with most of my family in town watching the pot waiting for my simmer to turn into a boil.....we waited.

With each visit to the midwife, and each night of not sleeping due to the discomfort I started to get pretty haggard. It was rough. The due date of Oct 19th came and went. I was truly in my own personal marathon of a different kind. It was physically hard, emotionally draining, and then mentally I was trying to just keep positive. I mean, all babies come out eventually right? We didn't know Jonah was a little mister so that helped a little to distract me. But boy oh boy did he seem comfortable in there.

I did not want to be induced unless I absolutely had to be. I didn't want to force nature, I didn't want to end up with a c-section. These were my goals.  So when 40 weeks came and went, my midwife set a a kick baby out goal for 41 weeks and 5 days as our induction date. If this little one didn't want to come by then, they felt the placenta would be getting worn out and mentally I would need an intervention. I was walking around 4cm and 80% effaced.........

So the date for induction was set and we set off home again to wait.

Mr. Big Dog wasn't sleeping much since I was up all night tossing and turning. So I pretty much forced him to sleep in our guest room.

I was 41 weeks.
It was 1:20am on October the 27th, 41weeks and 1 day.
I woke up for some reason......decided I should probably get up to use the bathroom and move around.....and as I lied there trying to just get the nerve to push through the pain of moving and muster up the energy to roll over to get up.....pop my water broke. Not a huge gush like people say, just a little and enough for me to think I better get Mr. Big Dog. So what do any couple do in the age of cell phones....I called him from downstairs.
He answered and actually said he had just woken up for some reason too. We called the midwife and they said to come in within the next hour.
So we started to straighten up the house, let the dogs out, check to make sure we had everything, kind of at a moderate speed. Then it got real, REAL fast. I was in the laundry room when the first contraction of any substance almost took me to my knees. I called for Mr. Big Dog and said I would be making my way to the car and he needed to speed up from my former dilly dallying speed seconds before.
We quickly took off and the ride between our house and the hospital was about 20mins. I remember all 4 contractions between here and there. The intensity, the pain, and the realness that this was happening and this baby was coming. The realness that I had no control or power over any of it. Not the due date, not the time, not the speed...but I was still holding on to the hope of the place....that being the hospital and not the car.

We made it there, got checked in and the midwife checked me at 7cm. Again the optimism began with the hospital staff. This baby will be here by 8am, and it was now 3am. The epidural was being called for, I was ready. I was relieved it was all worth the wait and I would be having as natural a delivery as I could.

I loved my epidural and felt the best I had felt in 5 weeks, except of course I couldn't move my legs but it didn't matter the pain and discomfort was gone and I was going to have my little baby soon enough. I would find out what he/she was.

Then 8am came and went, and I was still 7cm. My contractions were happening but not progressing me along. It was like another little finger shake from God just saying "why do you count your eggs before they have hatched?" ( kind of literally right? ) " I am in control not you." And that is when I really felt full surrender. I had a great nurse who did everything in her power to keep my labor progressing. Flipping me side to side every couple hours, medications were started to help my contractions be more efficient. Then a fever started. Followed by tylenol, Ibuprofen and antibiotics. This was not looking good. Fevers don't make for great labor and everything started to putter out. I slept as much as I could though out the day. But if I was to have a c-section then that was the fate. I had done all I could do to not intervene and now was proof that it was all going to happen however it was suppose to. It was not up to me.

Then about 5pm everything started to work. The fever was breaking, the antibiotics must have been doing their job and I was 10cm by 6pm and 100% effaced. I made it, I remember thinking. This was it, time to push and meet my little one. I was tired but so excited.

I have never worked so hard for anything in my life. Not my running, not my 100 mile bike ride, this was by far the most physically demanding thing I have ever done in my life. Oh and the epidural stopped working just as I was pushing.....so it was wearing off with each contraction. Not that I want some badge of courage for that, but I think it did make it more memorable and mentally tough for me....with each push I was closer and closer but it took 2.5 hours.
It was now 8:20pm......Jonah Matthew Rios came into this world at 9 lbs 9oz 21.5inches long. A head full of hair and a loud cry. He was moving all around as they were trying to measure him and weigh him. He was huge and tanky. I remember Mr. Big Dog telling me sweetly he was a HE. I'll never forget his face as he told me we had a son. It was one of the best moments of my life. It was like it was just Mr. Big Dog and I in that room and we now had our son. Time seemed to just stand still for that minute.

They brought him to me quickly and I got to see how he was perfectly made.
The past 18 hours of labor, the past 41 weeks and 1 day were all worth it. No matter how hard it seemed at the time, every second had a purpose and made the reward so much sweeter.

He was and is amazing. I can't believe he's already 16months old and I am about to do it again with his sibling.
God is good and is in complete control. He takes care of my family and will give me whatever I need when I need it.

This picture was his ride home from the hospital.....I've never been so terrified in my life. 

And this was a week home...already about 10lbs just observing everything. My blog header he was about 2weeks old....it goes so quick! 

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Getting ready....well as ready as you can get when adding a baby to your little family

Jonah is the sweetest little man I could have ever dreamed of. He is cuddly at times, giving his daddy and I "loves" and wild at times when he takes off running through the snow in the yard (which btw only happens once every 5 years or so here in the pacific northwest) and stomping his feet in complete rebellion about going inside when it's only 20 degrees outside and we've played till his cheeks were rosy red and my feet were numb.
 He's all boy and then some, but sensitive at the same time. He's very interested in books and learning words. He loves reading and wants you to read "aaahhhhginnnn" before you're even done. He's pretty amazing, as most parents say about their children.
 I love that he is my first. I love that he will be a big brother soon. I love that they will be close in age, even though it will be two under 2 for a while. I just can't imagine it being any other way. He was perfectly made for Mr. Big Dog and I, as I am sure number two will be as well.

He is getting ready in his own way for number two to arrive. Books on babies coming; he squeals baby with each page and will point to my belly...who knows how much he really understands but it's better than nothing:)  He transitioned to a new room, and a new schedule. A lot more walking and less carrying.
And I know it's all good, but part of me wishes I could have my cake and eat it too.
Keep him my baby boy forever, but he's growing so fast and he welcomes it. He welcomes it with his little mister independent attitude and it would actually be more selfish than lovely of me to stunt any of his new changes. Heaven forbid I not given him a fork with dinner or try to brush his teeth before he has tried himself.
This picture really shows him. He's so serious at times, taking it all in.
I love you little man and can't wait to see you as a big brother. I know you'll love it and you'll be amazing at it.

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Having faith, not a lot of time and maybe a donut or two....

My newest little is due in just 7 short weeks. EKKKK! How did that happen? I remember last pregnancy counting days and wishing it was the half way mark at like week 10. And now this time around it's blown by and I am feeling like just yesterday I was sharing the news with Mr. Big Dog that there were two pink lines on the pregnancy test.

So maybe it's having a toddler that makes the days melt by? Or maybe it's the holiday season in the middle with all the chaos and hustle and bustle?
Or maybe it's just a little bit of anxiety not really wanting to focus on this pregnancy 100% head on? Like not looking directly at the sun......maybe it's been a little too much to think about?
And then there is the thought of two under two years old, which is daunting for a lot of people including me. But women have done it for centuries right? Or maybe it's the thought of a delivery anything like my first (lets just say Scary with a capital S, days in the hospital, and blood transfusions do not sound warm and fuzzy to me). Whatever it has been, this pregnancy has flow by and I find myself a little panic stricken at times with "oh my, am I ready?"

But ready or not, the closer we get to this little making an appearance the more my faith seems to comfort me. Faith that it will all be okay and I am not in control really at all of any of it. What will be, will be. I will be taken care of and it will all fall into place as it did last time. My little family will be okay and taken care of.
My fears and frets are filled with my hope and prayers that my little mister will not feel neglected or too shocked by the new addition to our family. My worries are substituted with a simple prayer that he knows how much we love him and will continue to feel it with sharing his parents with a little baby. And I have reassurance that everything will go as safely as possible and I will bounce back because I did last time and it all worked out.

We have had a lot of hiccups the past month or so with many decisions that have needed to be made. Financial decisions, scheduling decisions, thoughts and plans about our little family and what is best for it with our upcoming growth spurt of one more little person with the same last name.

 And in the end, having faith it will all work out ultimately is what saves us over and over again. Saves us from worthless worry. Saves us from stress and anxiety. And just helps us keep in perspective that we are not driving this bus of life. We can only do so much, wish and pray for so much and basically show up ready to take on whatever this life hands us.

The rest is in HIS hands as it should be.

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Another DIY for the our anniversary

Again why I love Pinterest. I found this pin and loved the thought of having our anniversary date up in our bedroom. So I started to work on my own:) I used a 50% off coupon at Michaels, gotta love a deal and bought the canvas along with tan and white paint since I don't have much black in my home.  Even though I love the way this one looks:) 

My mom has a cameo silhouette machine, I dream of one but since she and my sissy have them I just hit them up once in awhile for projects;) So my mom did the stencil on her silouette machine. Now of course I am never 100% happy with the end project, and that may just be me. But I think my mom will have to come over and help me "Un-new" it...maybe glaze it to make it look more antiqued. Soon I plan on painting our bedroom a much more neutral cream so I picked the tan/white to complement that....since finding bedding to go with blue has been a little bit of a challenge. I also plan on finally getting around to printing/framing or just ordering canvas prints from our wedding to group with it:) Oh the list goes on and on. But it is getting more and more homey by the second.....

Now where to hang it?.......

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You sneeze and it's been two years!

It's like he's always been my right hand man but at the same time still feels as fresh as a new car.
This past 730 days has been filled with laughs, tears, smiles and lots of growing, but all together.
We've survived our first child, and our child's first year together. We've weathered a huge life change of my career swap to 98% SAHM remember. And now we are expecting number 2 going into our 3rd year as Mr. and Mrs. You make me laugh and you make me think. You push me to be the wife and mother I really want to be.

We just balance each other out. He's my peanut butter and I'm his jam. He's my eggs and I'm his bacon. And I will stop there with the food analogies, but gosh am I pregnant or what?

I just thank God for finding him for me. And today more so than others just because today is the day I took his last name.

Happy Anniversary Honey. I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else:)
And this is EVERYTHING. Love you:)

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How much he's changed in a year

If feels like this picture was just yesterday. He's grown so much in the past year. I can't believe how fast it all happens just like everyone said it would. He is so different but so the same. He still has his little serious moments like the one caught in this photo last year. I can't even imagine how different he'll be by next year......

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Not peaking at your Christmas gift can make it even better

So baby number two is in full steam ahead progress with month 6 well underway.


Last time the weeks seemed to creep at a snails pace by with constant reading of "what to expect when you're expecting" books to make sure everything was correlating. Constant eager countdowns to prenatal appointments and waiting to feel little mister move inside me:)

This time it just seems to be breezing by and my body is in overload of seeming to know what to do. Like riding a bike, my belly is bigger faster/earlier and even the hip pain I remember at the end has come back to say hello like it missed me. This time maybe 2 months earlier;(

Again, we decided to not find out what our little bundle will be (boy or a girl) this time. And maybe this is due to the "fairness" card I am realizing all too well parents feel they have to play with more than one little person in the house. I did it with little mister so why would I not with number 2?

You have this need to make sure everything is done fairly like you did for the first. Which I know is impossible with having two. You just can't treat everything as if you have one. But in the grander sense I know I want the same surprise for number two as I had with little mister.

Hearing Mr. Big Dog tell me "it's a boy" after sweating through those two hours of pushing and all day labor was one of the best sentences to ever come out of his mouth. With the others being "I love you" and "Will you marry me" of course.

So even if it's my own selfishness of hearing him tell me, it will be worth all this time wondering are you a little brother or little sister? Are you made for bows and ruffles or more bow ties and plaid flannels (which I love on little mister)?
 I have this eagerness to know and meet you but I feel like you are my ultimate Christmas gift I don't want to peek at. I want to save you for last after all the others, I want to hid you in the back behind the tree until everything else is discovered and then you are the best one for last one:) I am so excited to see how you will be the 4th member of our little family. Excited to see you with your brother. Excited to see you with your daddy. And of course excited to hold you myself. But it is all worth the wait for me because I know no matter what you will be amazing.
And more than I can ever imagine. So much so, I want to savior every second of the unknown and love you 100% for who you are already.
And really I just love surprises........remember my wedding?
I mean who doesn't love a good surprise?

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A toilet should never be in the middle of a bathroom in my opinion

So last year with little mister coming we decided to renovate the upstairs bathroom. It only had a shower and was poorly designed with the toilet in the MIDDLE of the room:( And when I say middle I mean MIDDLE. You literally had to open the door, step in to the left of the porcelain throne and then close the door just to use the toilet. It was such a disaster that this bathroom had rarely been used before I moved in with Mr. Big Dog. Actually the entire second floor really had not had much use since he was a bachelor and only had house guests who were okay with sleeping on an air mattress:) Back to the bathroom.....
So the second floor needed love, but most drastically the bathroom needed an overhaul. I had tried putting "lipstick on a pig" by painting the walls a mocha earlier and deep cleaning it but really it did nothing for the space.

 As you can see the toilet is right in the middle and behind the door in the shower....without a shower door or even shower curtain in this pre-reno pic....did I say very very tiny shower?
 Did I mention Mr. Big Dog is a large man at 6'3...I doubt he would have ever fit in this tiny little space without claustrophobia:(

 Oh and how can I forget the cabinet and counter to the right of the toilet? Useless, pointless and really you couldn't even get to it since the toilet was so close. The pictures just don't do it justice at how bad it was. I wish I had been in a home improvement store at the right moment for one of those shows.....our bathroom was bad enough they would have definitely taken pity and helped us out. But no, it was all up to us:) We had to do something about it before baby and expected house guest would be staying more often:)

 Tiny little shower.....in a big farmhouse total oxymoron:)

So with the help of our Vancouver, Wa contractor Boe Construction:) We made plans!

We used a Derek Boe to do arrange/complete all the labor and design but we picked all the tiles/sink/facet/etc.
I call our house "farmhouse style" which drives my husband nuts, since it was built in 1994-ish. But it has a wrap around porch and it classic with dormer windows. I think it's our farmhouse and in line with that has been my style of decorating it. I love vintage but nice and clean lines. Lots of white:)

I have always loved hardwood floors which we have throughout 80% of the main floor, so when we were looking for new floor for the bathroom and I saw this wood looking tile it was perfect.

 Of course it is laid in a pattern like a real hardwood floor would be to make it look more real.

 The mirror was a find at salvation army ( I only shop there on half off days so it was $10) and fit perfect. The sink base was custom made to go with a basic farmhouse wood look and the counter we picked a granite slab with some grey, white and a fleck of burgundy. It all ties together nicely.

 The tub is a standard size and the surround is my favorite....subway tile. I love me some subway tile and had it in my last home as well. If I have my why it will also grace the backspace of our kitchen someday:) It's just classic and clean and can really go with anything.

 The tile back splash goes all the way around the room instead of doing a chair high wainscoting. I thought it would be too busy with two different textures and this waterproofs the bathroom more for the littles who are really going to be the primary users of this space. The backspace goes from around the sink, around the room and then completes three sides of the shower walls.

The toilet was a home depot pick of again classic farmhouse basic:)

Tile was a must for us. We wanted this remodel to be classic and last throughout the next many years. Tile is more spend but with the space being on the smaller size we felt it was worth it.
And we love how it came out. As well as our house guests:)

The fixtures (sink and shower) are brushed nickel which was a huge debate since we had just updated all the brass in our house/knobs with oiled bronze. But after reading tons of reviews about water stains and how hard the hardware is to keep clean we decided it would still look great with the brushed nickel without the upkeep issue:)

So there you have it, our guest room/little's bathroom remodel:) Now if only we had the cash to start the master bathroom remodel:) Until then, I will pin all the inspirational Pinterest photos I find:)

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How fast days fly by when you have a child...

At least that is what I think is the cause of my days becoming a blur and my weeks flying by. Before little mister I felt like December had so many days and the build up to Christmas took awhile. It's so weird that once he came into my life, hours and days just began to fly by. So here we are just 2 weeks away from Christmas and I am not even half as organized as I would have liked to be at this time. 

Today was supposed to be filled with wrapping presents, mailing presents, buying presents and of course all the daily usual stuff of playing, loving and taking care of little mister:) However, here in the Pacific Northwest we are experiencing Arctic Blast 2013 (which by the way every year they name it something new......Storm chill 2012, Freeze storm 2011, etc) and well people just kind of freak out with snow here.
I love it. I love the snow. I love having a fire and having to stay in once in awhile. Hot chocolate and egg nog are bought and I have another excuse to procrastinate about shopping, mailing, and wrapping...oh well I guess I can still wrap:)
But in any case, Mr. Big Dog is working from home this morning. He made me a fire and I am just chillaxing as little mister is down for his morning nap.
Somedays you just need to slow down.....for there are so many other days where you won't be able to, can't or won't. So today I will and I will enjoy it. And here is a picture just because:) 

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Why I love Pinterest

This year I have a 13 month old to share Christmas with, which is so awesome. As our little family is beginning to start our own new traditions and try to incorporate come old ones from each side into our annual rotation. I realized for the past 5 or so years I really love to send out Christmas cards with pictures.
Prior to Mr. Big Dog and I, my cards had a picture of my dogs or house. But now that we have a little mister it is a great time to show off how much he's grown over the past year to family and friends near and far.
So I've been keeping my eyes open to ideas on Pinterest for this year's holiday card......
I came across this photo on Pinterest

Here's the link you get on pinterest when you click on the photo: http://www.alittleglassbox.com/....gotta give credit where credit is due:)

And then we did our own version which little mister really hammed it up for as you can see:)

He seriously loves this little car he got from his cousins for his first big birthday:)

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Christmas in the house, and why I am NOT a DIY-er

Well I have my house about 98% decorated with my usual Christmas stuff. However, this year with a 13 month old I have to say the decor is all above waist height and we are still learning the tree is not a toy. I am thinking 2-3 days of serious surveillance at all times around trees one and two will probably help little mister with the look don't touch policy in our home:) Either way I didn't do a lot of ornaments down low, as to not tempt the poor boy too much. They are just so pretty right?

I was on Pinterest.....one of my oh so guilty pleasures..... and found this oh so awesome picture/link for a chalkboard poster with some Christmas flare. I loved it and thought, "I think I can do it, I do have a bachelors degree...how hard can it be?"

I think I have shared before how creative my mother is......she can make a paper bag look like a million bucks. But I think this has caused my creativity to be very very low. I mean like dependent on others low. I can find ideas but have a hard time materializing them. And then when I try to do them, it can turn into a Lucy Ball skit in about 10secs flat. 

Take for example this project. The printing was done over the Internet via Staples....but I showed up and one was ripped at the top....so I had to wait to have another printed. No biggie just not smooth as butter. Next stop the Home Creepo where I found the Styrofoam sheets which were 4 feet by 8feet for $11. Nice....but how in world was I going to fit it in my car? Didn't really think this through. So I had to find an employee to help me cut it in half (note to self to bring a box cutter in my diaper bag next time). Which the man with the orange apron seems extremely annoyed by my request and really was quick and careless with cutting it:( Oh well I had slack on each side since the finished product was actually to be 4 feet by 3 feet. So again out to my car I went with my two sections of 4 x 4 Styrofoam and 13 month old toddler. Did I mention it was cold and rainy? Oh yeah that too. At this point I am starting to freak out that it's not going to fit even at half size in my SUV with a baby car seat. I call Mr. Big Dog and start to panic a little......why did I not borrow his ginormous SUV? That would have been too simple. 

So as I push and pull and twist the Styrofoam they barely made it in, but they were in....just a little bent:( And of course little mister did not appreciate the intrusion on his space above his head. 

Now Michael's next door for the glue adhesive.....in and out with my coupon. But why did I not go there first? I should have mapped this out better. 

All the way home I realize I didn't get black duct tape:( This is why I should not DIY in and of itself. I just can't seem to get it together. 

24 hours later I am taping and gluing the paper and I do have a nicely finished project:) Ginormous.....who's idea was this 4x3 anyway? But it all worked out and I love it on my wall. 

Maybe practice makes perfect and I just don't do this stuff often enough but I have a hard time believing if I did this stuff more often it would work out any different. It still works out, I just take twice the time and learn a ton of lessons every single time:) 

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