Monday, June 21, 2010

Loosing my mind and my keys

I think I may accomplish the fastest divorce in history. He left a week ago Monday and I filed at the courthouse today Monday.
Our relationship took five years to grow with dating to the day he asked me for forever in Palm Springs, then a year of planning a wedding, to then 3 years of having his last name..... it all ended in one week. If you look at today it took me 20 mins from entering to leaving the courthouse to officially put my white flag high and do my best to shrug off the bad taste and dirtiness I felt leaving there.

I have an overwhelming "TO DO List" at the moment. One filled with paperwork, house projects, and cleaning up my messy physical life. Probably a coping mechanism, if I keep busy I won't have as much time to cry and dwell right? So as part of the do list I have things to get rid of.

We had this work truck he had to have. We bought it last summer for yard project. He hardly ever used it and for the past six months I have hated seeing it in the driveway. Along with everything else of any importance to him, he left the truck here. And with a for sale sign it has been in my driveway.

And for the past 5 days this toothless, yes toothless man has come by and offered me a much lower price. Everyday I say with smile, toothful smile, "no buddy, ask me later if I don't sell it." But today I can't look at the truck or the toothless man any longer. The truck reminds me of him and the toothless man...um need I say more.

So tonight I sold the truck and a part of the old me to a perfect toothless stranger. It hurt as it pulled away and I found myself crying about the stupid truck and all the conversations about the truck we had. One thing more off my list I guess

I found a quote tonight I am going to strive to become: "Everything changes when you change" Jim Rohn
I found it on this blog I find uplifting, and who does not need uplifting? I just wish it were easy to change.

3 comments:

  1. How did a toothless man afford the truck? Guess everyone has different priorities, eh? I cannot remember where I read this nor who wrote it but I think it applies to all of us at some point in our lives. "You can't move forward if you're always looking back". Just keep looking forward at least once a day. Time will be your companion in guiding you forward.

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  2. Lindsey - I came here from your mother's blog and my heart just aches for you. I wish you well in the coming days as you hurt and mend and heal and begin to move forward again. With prayers and hugs for you,, ~Adrienne~

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  3. My mother used to say many things to us girls, but the two that hang with me most are:

    "If all the worrying you do isn't going to change something by the end of the night, then don't give it your energy to start with."

    and the other is:
    "You HAVE to deal with the what-is, not the what-ifs."

    Divorce is tough for many reasons. I've seen both of my sisters go through it twice, and my brother once. One thing I know for sure is that, if you let it defeat you, it will. Only you can choose how to let it affect you. You have to remember that it affects you, but it doesn't define you. You have the opportunity in front of you to add new definitions to who Lindz is, and who you want her to be.

    Get rid of all that baggage, at whatever cost. The quicker it goes, the faster you can begin healing. Clean the slate for your own sake.

    I'm so sorry you have to experience this, and I truly hope you find a way to move through it gracefully. You have a wonderful mother who has already, unfortunately, been in your shoes. Please let her example be a source of strenth for you.

    ReplyDelete

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