My first real Mother's Day

Well my little man is already 6 1/2 months old. Can you believe it? It flew by and all of the sudden I looked in the mirror and realized I AM this little boy's mother. This moment I had was surreal.  Like when you first get your driver's license and you are by yourself driving.....or when you moved into your first house as an adult, the first night you spent by yourself in it. It's this moment of.......really? I can't believe it! I am a mother...and I am THIS little boy's mother!!!which is the cherry on top. Some days I feel like I need to pinch myself because I just can't believe it still.

Asleep on the way to "our" weekly Saturday swim lessons......just a power nap before action time.



Back to being a mother.......
I don't think anyone or anything can prepare you for what it truly is to be a mother. I had no idea I would love someone so much and do absolutely anything for him. I didn't know I would have trouble sleeping if the night was extra cold outside just because I would worry he was too cold.....requiring me to sneak into his room and check the temperature. Or that I would rearrange my daily schedule just to let him sleep an extra 20mins soundly in his crib. I didn't know my Saturday night highlight would be giving him a bath and rocking him to sleep in my arms to a Disney lady and the tramp song until he gave me his unspoken cue of eye rubbing and a perfect yawn to say let's get me to my crib please.

I didn't know any of this.....but I always knew I was meant to be a mother. I just didn't know it would be of a baby made so perfectly for just for me.

When I was probably 3 months into motherhood I saw this commercial and fell to tears. I remember telling Mr. Big Dog in a blubbering mess of hormones that the TV was speaking to me. Which is funny now. Definitely not at the time...but now yes it is funny.
And I still have days where I feel like I am not very good at this mom gig, but those days are becoming fewer and farther between. I just tell myself to try again tomorrow at the end of the night, and I am trying to let go of being so hard on myself all the time.

The thing is.....I know I have earned this mother's day just like all of you other mother's out there.  And for that I am proud. I do what I do everyday because I love him and want the best for him.

And to really make it a first Mother's Day to remember we are going to run our first 5k together:) Our 5k with my little man in his stroller will be tomorrow at 830am and it's called Run like a Mother.

So happy Mother's Day to all of you out there......you are all amazing, even when you really don't feel like it........ you are doing something extraordinary:)

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I never imagined....

I never never never really thought about how Mr. Big Dog would be as a father. 

I mean of course I knew he would be good, but it's amazing how really natural and great he is at being a Daddy. Jonah lights up when he comes home and even just when he walks into the room. He looks for him when he hears his voice. He has started wrestling with him which is adorable. 

But Mr. Big Dog is so much more. He is the best teammate a girl could dream of. He helps do whatever needs to get done. He supports me with anything I need and then some. He provides for our little family. He was born to do this husband daddy thing:)
And yes, I have become one of "those people" who just talks about how awesome my baby and husband are, but you know what? They are:)
Don't get me wrong this motherhood stuff is not for the weak at heart, and I have days where I feel like I am failing at all of it. It's hard, much harder than I ever imagined. But my point is with these two on my team, I know we will get it all done and have fun doing whatever it is.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude pretty much constantly now:) I am content and happy, oh and soooo busy that I have been neglecting this blog:( But I have a great excuse.....see below:)

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I'm so in love.....

Jonah is so sweet I can just stare at him and he makes me smile. His smile is contagious and very frequent. You can see him learning and taking this whole new world in second by second.
The other day he giggled for the first time and I thought I might cry, so stinking adorable.
He's already 3 months old!!!
The days have turned into weeks and weeks into months....it's just flying by.
And I am just trying to take it all in.......

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Learning the hard way when to put the brakes on

Before I was pregnant and before I had Jonah I had a severely unrealistic expectation of how my life would be after. I don't know why but I just pictured myself managing everything simultaneously without even breaking a sweat. Taking care of my little guy and then have dinner on the table, all the while maintaining part of my past career life on the side.

 I have always taken on too much, put too much on my plate so to speak. ALWAYS.

But when that plate is now shared with a little boy who needs you and really doesn't get to speak up and participate in the pile growing on the plate.....well things just get put into perspective very quickly.

I am a person of my word. But my word is beginning to smudge and run with trying to stretch myself too thin. My word is not becoming good for much, and before it completely disintegrates I need to do something.

I am suffering poorly at everything since I can not give any of it 100%. Jack of all trades, master of none....that's been me lately. My stubbornness has been in full force leading my poor decisions and not letting me truly face where my attention and time really needs to be. Since it would take me going back on my word to undo some of my plate pile.

But something snapped yesterday. I have to say goodbye to that old me of being a YES, YES, YES person. It's not just about me, it's about Jonah and my family. I've been distracted too often and not present with what is going on right in front of me.

So with embarrassment and humility I had to let go of something very big.
A project I was to be in charge of.
Mr. Big Dog encouraged me to pray about it......which I did, I took a big deep breath and let go. I jumped in and was honest with the people that needed to know. I told them the truth. I can't do it.

Part of me feels like a dog with my tail between my legs, but I have to say there is another huge part of me that feels like this weight has been lifted off my shoulders. And within the next month more and more of this weight will be let go until I am settled with just the things that matter most.

Sometimes putting the brakes on is just the best thing you can do......but really I should have never gotten into the car.

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Shout out to our fabulous friend and awesome photographer

I love love love all the photos we had taken at our home with Jonah when he was just a week old.
www.erikaplummer.com was our photographer and they are so beautiful. She was here all day and Jonah wasn't necessarily the best subject, especially when he pooped on Daddy:)

These are just and handful of my favorites:) And I'm having the hardest time deciding which ones to order:) Awwww, shut a bad dilemma to have:)

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Getting my footing

Geeze louise, Jonah is already3 weeks old!! I feel behind but can't seem to get anything done with the new little bossman running my house. I'm sure it's a common feeling from what I hear and have read. So I am going to let go and just enjoy the ride. I know he'll only be sooooo small for a short while. I know the baby book will still be there and the announcements will get ordered. But for today I am just going to cuddle and feed him, and really do whatever he wants;)

Time is flying and day to day I am still figuring out this new momma thing:) Everyday I feel like his little personality is shining more brightly and he's getting use to life on the outside in this crazy world. He's got this seriousness in eyes at times like he understands everything. And he's started cooing when his belly is full after one of our one on one breastfeeding sessions (btw breastfeeding has been my other full time job this past 3 weeks.....sooo hard!! But I think we have finally started to get it down).

So for now the blog will continue to be neglected.....for I am too busy loving my little bossman and trying to manage what I can...which currently not much:)

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Why Jonah?

Mr. Big Dog and I had several names for each a boy and a girl picked out since we opted to not find out what we were having. But Jonah was the only name that we really had a foundation behind...which is interesting since we ended up having a boy.

We had a couple signs with the name, like I have a childhood Jonah and the Whale sculpture in our family room and a church handout about Jonah and the whale, that  happen to be in the Bible when we decided to look at biblical names.

The deeper reason might be described as...  Jonah didn't listen to God a couple of times and each time was still forgiven and taken care of despite this.  This story applies to both of our lives and we anticipate it will also apply to our little Jonah.  We are not perfect by any means and even when we have messed things up, we have experienced God's quick forgiveness and blessings when sought.  We see our baby Jonah as one of those blessings Mr. Big Dog and I have received after facing our own storms and turning to God for help in the ocean of life.  Jonah happens to be our Whale :-)

So when our tank of a little man came out it became an obvious choice.

We have hopes and dreams for Jonah, but know there will be times in his life he will encounter his own battles and challenges. We know God will watch over him, as he has us.....

Plus look at what an angel he is:) He definitely came straight from Heaven:)

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