Living the SAHM dream.....

For those of you not down with the lingo, SAHM is short for Stay at home Mom....or like I like to say mama. And I can officially say it's been a year into this new adventure of being a mama, and a 98% of the time at home mama so I have earned the official title of SAHM.

Blood, sweat and tears I have earned it. And reflecting on it and still being up to my elbows in it....I can say it is still an adjustment.

 It has been a year since I took this 180 degree turn. Or really I should say drop kick flip of changing from being a full time critical care nurse to SAHM. I was recovering patients straight out of open heart surgery and helping to bring them back to a walkie/talkie state three times a week for 12 hours a day. I was part of caring for patients with newest and latest technology of heart support of LVADs and new valves begin replaced practically as outpatients with the TAVR procedure.

I mean I was breathing, eating and thinking about work ALL THE TIME. And loving it. Really thriving in my career that I build over 13 years from newbie nurse to a much kinder, loving version of nurse ratchet;) And I was good at it. Really good if I must say for myself. I excelled in the most chaotic situations and my skills were respected by my coworker and plenty of doctors:)

I can say I found my calling as a nurse. I really loved it and still do....but it is definitely not the same kind of love a year later. It's definitely an itch I have to scratch on a regular basis or I get a little nutty and start to feel mentally just a little off. There is nothing like a shift working at my new nursing job to just get my mental juices going and help me connect back to my pre baby calling, even if now it's just for 8 hours once a week.

But it is just sooooo different to be on the team of SAHM. I love taking care of little mister morning noon and night. Even when it's rough, like exhausting whining molar time over the past couple weeks, it's still just where I want to be. I am loving it but like I said, it is so different that it is an ongoing adjustment for me.

It's been hard to relate to my friends because frankly none of them have done what I am doing. Most are full time nurses with kids for a number of reasons. And I think they don't really know what I do all day to be honest with you. Just like I have no idea how they do IT ALL, it's just hard to understand one another's place right now.
The other moms I have met recently through MOPS (Mothers of preschool aged kids for more of your lingo learning),  and well they have been doing either 1)the SAHM thing since the beginning 2) had a short lived career prior to children 3) or NONE of them were ever nurses...which we are are own subgroup of different people:). So it's just hard to really have anyone who can relate to my struggles of adjustment and even what I love about it.

So don't take this post as a "I miss my old job, boo hoo," that's not what it is at all. It's more of a recognition that I am in a new role. And it's been a year and oh how I've changed.
This year has been great. I have loved every minute of it and I wouldn't change a single second, however it is still a life I am getting use to. There is no rule book or real job description from as far as I can tell. Some days I look around and just can't believe it's my life. I love it all, the good the bad and the ugly. And I guess that's what I am realizing. No one said it was going to be easy and it's not:) I am still getting use to all of it.....emotionally, mentally, financially, etc.
I love watching little mister change daily before my eyes. I have been right here to witness all of it which is pretty awesome and not something I ever want to take for granted. But I am definitely just a little sapling in the world of motherhood. And I think realizing that is the best thing a new mom an do.

You can't learn to walk without crawling first, even little mister can attest to that. And you definitely can't do a 180 degree drop kick and expect all the kinks to be worked out within the first 12 months. But I'm getting there, we are getting there, and I wonder how many other women are out there working on the same transition?

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The last inning of 2013

Life goes in spurts of over busy, overt booked times and then wains to flat periods of boredom. At least for us this seems to be the case. We are either going 80mph or snail crawling. And this month and the next are both redlining starting pretty much this week through January 1st.

Family, work, shopping, pregnancy, you name it and it's in full effect. And sometimes it's really easy to just get caught up in all of it. To look back and realize you participated in something like a milestone birthday and it was already a month ago. Or that it's been  month since you've physically seen your bestie. Maybe it's been a month since you said you would take a break and just slow down...and now here you are still on the roller coaster just trying to hold on even tighter.

It's life. And no matter how organized and preplanned we make it you can't slow it down. And I guess  what I am realizing is sometimes you have to preplan the quiet time. You have to purposeful with doing nothing. With scheduling nothing. You have to plan to just be.

Which is really hard but I am realizing more and more how much my little family needs it to be deliberate.

How fast this time goes by that you have to plan to have that breather to just take it all in.

Call it family night, family day, or maybe it's dinner time. Whatever it is, I want to know I have it when times get so busy so I can look forward to it or just know it's coming.
Just my thoughts as I get on this roller coaster for the next two months.....which by the way I do love:) I love the business and of course the holidays......I just wish there were more hours in the day and more days in the week.....and more of me to do it all:)

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Time changes and molars are not for the faint at heart

Funny how things you never really give much thought to can now throw my little family into a tailspin over night. We are new parents. I get it. I get it. Everything is new when it comes to little mister. I don't know anything. I am learning. I am adjusting and just when I think I know.....I get slapped with a big fat glass of 'Oh no you do not know.' And maybe that is what half the battle is. To realize you are always learning and adjusting and perfecting this dance of parenthood. Your relationship with your husband is changing, your friendships are weathering this storm of your new role, and even family who has experience with your journey firsthand through their own eyes are watching you climb this mountain.

I tried to anticipate the time change here at our home with a little preplanning. I mean, little mister likes to get up at 5am....so 4am was not sounding like a good idea to anyone involved. So in this house we like to try hard and when it's hard...why not make it even harder? We thought why don't we shoot for 6am now, since 5 was even too early! Yes, yes, lets do that. The numbers penciled out and all sounded great on paper. So over a couple week period before the time change we started our mission. And yes it was working, and yes we were all adjusting and yes it was glorious.

 And then....the molar started. My poor little man at just barely 12 months (which I know every baby is different, but this is early per books and our pediatrician) he started to get his first gigantic molar.

Up all night on and off, despite Motrin and mommy to soothe him. Dragged into bed with mommy and daddy at 5am to try to just get a little more sleep before the day begins. And then all day crankiness, fussiness and clinginess. Poor little man. His sleep schedule was a mess. He was a mess. And then the seas parted and the tooth seems to crown through. He was tired enough to sleep though the night and his naps during the day were marathon like in length. He was happy again. And all was good in the hood. He was back to himself. We started to get our sea legs back with schedules and bedtimes. It was settling out and my confidence in this motherhood gig was being reaffirmed.  I was thinking, " whew that was close but I did it, we survived the molar," " but wait......how many do you have? 4 molars? And this was just one. Oh no, when will the others come?

The second has started with 2 other side teeth on the bottom aka his lateral incisors.....back on the roller coaster we go. But at least I know the ride and I know the end will be here at some point.
So again....... this life, this moral to the story of parenthood, of motherhood.....I don't know anything.

I think my motto continues to be "roll with the punches".... or should I say "roll with the molars."
What else can you do? God only gives you as much as you can handle at a time.....but really more than one molar at a time would have been preferred:)
I envy so many mothers who say they couldn't even tell their littles were getting teeth....we feel them here loud and clear and by we I mean everyone under this roof:)  

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Fall is almost over and winter is coming

It's pouring outside right now, winter is showing herself pretty loudly this morning. I like this time of the year for chowders, baked breads and spaghetti dinners. I like lighting candles and wearing my slippers almost all day long. I love lazy weekend mornings with breakfast together as a family. It's just nice.

What's not so nice is Little Mister has been getting 3 new teeth this past week and a half and one of which was a molar:( Poor baby, not sleeping good and just not himself. And just went I started to think the fussy upset sleep deprivation wasn't going to end.....it did. He is sleeping soundly now for his morning nap as I write this. His feet sticking through the railings on his red crib. He cuddles with his favorite blanket that I need to order a second one of because frankly it is already starting to smell like little boy no matter how many times I wash it.

He's sweet. This season is sweet. Winter is coming and our calendar is full to the max from now through the new year.

I can't even remember my life before this. What did I do? I know I was not half the person and that I didn't have half the happiness for sure. Even at it's worst, I can say it's the best thing ever.

Little baby number two is a mover and shaker like her/his brother for sure. It likes to put on a show usually in the afternoon. Mr. Big Dog has felt it a couple times and little mister thinks it's funny to point to the belly and say "bay" which he also does to himself.

Off to do as much as I can before he gets back up for round two of playing, reading books and running through the house:)

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365 days already?!

One of my girlfriends once said to me, "I really don't know what I did before I had my little girl," "what I did with all my time, what I really enjoyed, because now she fills my days and I can't imagine life without her."
At the time I remember thinking that I just didn't get it. I mean I worked full time, I liked to shop, run, you know do "stuff." However, now a year into this mommy gig and I totally understand what she meant. He fills my days and then some. I can't imagine really a day without him at this point. I mean don't get me wrong, I like having days to run errands without him or a movie night with Mr. Big Dog. I just can't imagine how my life would feel fulfillment-wise without him. He is just like a little puzzle piece I didn't realize was missing.



So yesterday he turned a whole year old. I know! Already he is a year old. I had a good cry yesterday morning just looking through pictures and hoping I have been deliberate and present enough with him this past year. He's so much more a little boy than my baby by the day. He is sweet and loving but all boy at the same time. He loves books and banging anything to make a loud noise. He's walking and really running everywhere throughout the house. He loves to be outside.

He was made perfectly for Mr. Big Dog and I.....and just like everyone says the time with him flys by and the next thing you know they are grown. So I am continuing to take it all in everyday and love every minute....even then new stubbornness for independence and the occasional tantrum:)

Happy Birthday My little Honeyman...... you are so loved;)

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Taking a breather....

Life has been a little hectic. Baby number two has been making my whole body feel tired and out of sorts. Exhausted really until the last week or so. Mr. Big dog is helpful as usual but he has been slammed at the office and life is just full swing busy. Until this last weekend when we took a spontaneous much needed break to the beach. Little mister felt the sand for the first time and fearlessly ran to the ocean:) it was just what we needed. Like a deep breath, I think it helped us to just take a minute and really take it all in.

It renewed my gratitude for this life I've been given and that I'm living. Sometimes all you need is a little wind in your hair, sand between your toes, and of course a cute little soon to be one year old to keep you smiling:) Can you believe he's almost one??!!!!!

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Once a month is better than never at all

Well I see yet again it's been a month since I have written a word on these pages. Not that I haven't wanted to or thought about it, life just gets so busy.
Isn't that the truth? Life gets busy. Does life ever really get slow? I think back to elementary school when summers lasted forever and college when winter break seemed like months. I remember wanting to hurry up to get through parts of my life like counting down the days until I could get my ears pierced (my dad had a rule about it) and then of course my drivers license ( I was there on my birthday first test of the day!).
Looking back there was a lot of rushing to grow up and get to the next level. The next age, stage, and step my life was going toward.
Now I just feel like hours fly by, days turn into weeks, and I blink and summer's gone and fall is in the air here in the Pacific Northwest.
My little baby is turning more and more into a little boy before my eyes. He wants to feed himself, he is almost there with walking, he sometimes even leaps out of my arms for his crib as if to say "mom I got this, I don't need the rocking anymore thanks." Everyone said it would fly by but until you're in it, you really can't relate.
I cherish so many moments throughout our day. His little personality is really shinning though more and more. He loves his daddy and I have heard him say "da da" to Mr. Big Dog a handful of times. He loves to eat and play hard. He climbs on everything. He is truly full of life. He dances to any music and is always smiling....really at anyone who will make eye contact. The grocery store is always entertaining and he gets tons of people wanting to talk to him and play peekaboo or just compliment him on his smile.

It's just funny how life changes. From endless countdowns and wanting to hurry up....it's like with a blink I just want to slow down and maybe even repeat last month. He's already 10 months old....I am saying this with a wimpier :(

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