Living the SAHM dream.....

For those of you not down with the lingo, SAHM is short for Stay at home Mom....or like I like to say mama. And I can officially say it's been a year into this new adventure of being a mama, and a 98% of the time at home mama so I have earned the official title of SAHM.

Blood, sweat and tears I have earned it. And reflecting on it and still being up to my elbows in it....I can say it is still an adjustment.

 It has been a year since I took this 180 degree turn. Or really I should say drop kick flip of changing from being a full time critical care nurse to SAHM. I was recovering patients straight out of open heart surgery and helping to bring them back to a walkie/talkie state three times a week for 12 hours a day. I was part of caring for patients with newest and latest technology of heart support of LVADs and new valves begin replaced practically as outpatients with the TAVR procedure.

I mean I was breathing, eating and thinking about work ALL THE TIME. And loving it. Really thriving in my career that I build over 13 years from newbie nurse to a much kinder, loving version of nurse ratchet;) And I was good at it. Really good if I must say for myself. I excelled in the most chaotic situations and my skills were respected by my coworker and plenty of doctors:)

I can say I found my calling as a nurse. I really loved it and still do....but it is definitely not the same kind of love a year later. It's definitely an itch I have to scratch on a regular basis or I get a little nutty and start to feel mentally just a little off. There is nothing like a shift working at my new nursing job to just get my mental juices going and help me connect back to my pre baby calling, even if now it's just for 8 hours once a week.

But it is just sooooo different to be on the team of SAHM. I love taking care of little mister morning noon and night. Even when it's rough, like exhausting whining molar time over the past couple weeks, it's still just where I want to be. I am loving it but like I said, it is so different that it is an ongoing adjustment for me.

It's been hard to relate to my friends because frankly none of them have done what I am doing. Most are full time nurses with kids for a number of reasons. And I think they don't really know what I do all day to be honest with you. Just like I have no idea how they do IT ALL, it's just hard to understand one another's place right now.
The other moms I have met recently through MOPS (Mothers of preschool aged kids for more of your lingo learning),  and well they have been doing either 1)the SAHM thing since the beginning 2) had a short lived career prior to children 3) or NONE of them were ever nurses...which we are are own subgroup of different people:). So it's just hard to really have anyone who can relate to my struggles of adjustment and even what I love about it.

So don't take this post as a "I miss my old job, boo hoo," that's not what it is at all. It's more of a recognition that I am in a new role. And it's been a year and oh how I've changed.
This year has been great. I have loved every minute of it and I wouldn't change a single second, however it is still a life I am getting use to. There is no rule book or real job description from as far as I can tell. Some days I look around and just can't believe it's my life. I love it all, the good the bad and the ugly. And I guess that's what I am realizing. No one said it was going to be easy and it's not:) I am still getting use to all of it.....emotionally, mentally, financially, etc.
I love watching little mister change daily before my eyes. I have been right here to witness all of it which is pretty awesome and not something I ever want to take for granted. But I am definitely just a little sapling in the world of motherhood. And I think realizing that is the best thing a new mom an do.

You can't learn to walk without crawling first, even little mister can attest to that. And you definitely can't do a 180 degree drop kick and expect all the kinks to be worked out within the first 12 months. But I'm getting there, we are getting there, and I wonder how many other women are out there working on the same transition?