Growing pains

Life gets busy and hectic quickly lately. It's hard to remember what day it is and all the sudden another week has blown by. This is such a short and busy season and it seems like just yesterday I was pregnant with Jonah. Now Miah is half a year old. 

This time is sweet but hard. Hard to get anything done on a do list. But not hard to just sit and play with them. Hard to not feel guilty about not cleaning or having dinner on the table, but feeling good about how much time I am present with these two. 

The growing pains I am feeling are that of fitting snugly into this title of mother, wife, partner, side kick, nurse, woman, daughter, sister, daughter in law, and friend. It's a lot to accomplish. 

Sometimes I feel like a Jack of all and master of none. 

The one I am most successful with at the moment is momma. Which truthfully is most important to me currently, as I feel it should be. 

But then the others are lacking...some way more than others.

I want to be the best I can with each role but sometimes the best I can be is not the best for the other person in the receiving relationship. So I try again and again. I try again and again to learn how to make each part of this puzzle fit together and live in harmony. 

I push forward with one and then feel another lacking, I give more to one and take from another. 

And it's exhausting. And I am not looking for a solution, as I know there is only the one of trial and error and work and thoughtful reflection to keep trying to balance. This will continue to be a battle forever. I just have to forgive myself and try again and let those out there know I am trying. And I am doing my best. The neglect is not on purpose or because I don't care. There is just so much of me, which sometimes (like today) feels like there's just not enough of. 

So for today I try again to fit into all these roles at wholly as I can. And realize....This is the day that the lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it. 

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Jeremiah Cha Cha Cha......

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart. - Jeremiah 1:5


Pork chop, cuddle-butt, buba, little brother, Jeremiah cha cha cha, little man, Miah, sweet Jeremiah are just a handful of the names we have for him.
The fourth member of our Team is fitting in perfectly. He loves his big brother and watches him constantly. He squeals when big brother laughs or jumps around putting on a special show just for him to watch.
He likes to cuddle in bed with us around 4am until his brother gets up around 7. Then they both cuddle in bed with us for a little while with lots of "good morning Jeremiah" from big brother. We all slowly make it to the kitchen for coffee, milk, and some form of bread product with "JAM" on it for big brother. He loves Jam lately. All the while Jeremiah is watching his brother from my lap. He started solids and is loving them. He sits in his high chair next to big brother. Both in highchairs next to each other is just too adorable.
All and all the dust is settling nicely here. It was rough, I'm not gonna lie but it was so worth it. Those first 4 months of trying to balance them both was hard to get down but I think we are finally doing it well.

Both Mr. Big Dog and I have know a Jeremiah in our younger lifetime. Both of us thought fondly of them and their name. It is a strong name and he is strong boy. It is a solid name and he is a solid boy. He makes his presence known when he wants to but doesn't seem to make himself the center of attention. More like I'll let you know when I need you, or hey I'm over here if you need me. Then other times he just goes with the flow of the family and hangs out taking it all in.

He and big brother are bonding with hand holding, Miah grabs at him and really anything in his reach lately. I know it is very early but I see bunk beds and middle of the night chatting and laughing in their future. I see flash lights and tent camping in the backyard. Adventures on bikes and wrestling with daddy. I love being a boys mama and I especially love my boys and how our family is developing.

For I know the plans I have for you Plans to prosper you not harm you Plans to give you hope and future - Jeremiah 29:11

Miah is very similar to his brother but oh so different at the same time.  He is so perfect and was made just for us. Both are very active and strong, like can hardly hold in your arms when they want to move around. But Miah seems more cuddly, and likes to be held more often it seems. As oppose to big brother who we called "the observer" who sometimes just wanted to be put down to watch you.  Both seem to have loud voices when they started babbling those lovely baby babbles. Miah has a little hoarseness to his voice sometimes, which I wonder if it will stay. And physically you can definitely tell they are brothers. It's uncanny how you could mix up the pictures of them, but then they look so different too. Miah's mouth is a little more like daddy's I think. Jonah seems to have more of mommy's smile.

I am feeling blessed to have two boys, blessed the colic is over of course, blessed to get to stay home with them and watch every milestone happen before my eyes.

The hours are long, the pay is poor but every second of my job is amazing and I wouldn't trade it for a million dollars.......

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