Sometimes we are crankiest to the ones we love the most....

Well I think I have had a good day of 100% hormones and just unexplained emotional roller coaster.
It started with having to really face head on that I do not fit into any of my pants anymore. Yes this is due to the creation of life, but still its hard to really wrap my head around. I've said before I wasn't raised in the healthiest family in regards to eating habits and exercise. And I really have had to make a conscious effort over the past 3 years to be active and push myself to probably the best physical shape I have ever been in. Now with all this being said, I have not done a single second of exercise since I read that little extra pink line on the pregnancy test. I think I have gained 10lbs (this seems to depend on the time of day and the scale), I think at least 5 of which is in my chest....but that does not make clothes on top any easier to fit:(
So after 3 outfit changes, I crammed myself into a not so pretty ensemble for an early Easter egg hunt with my nephews:) Only after almost crying twice due to this.
Pregnancy is so much harder on me physically than I would have ever imagined. I have had barely enough energy to get up sometimes and then by 3pm I hit this wall and just want to crawl into bed. And when I do try to push it, and get moving....its amazing how short of breath I already am at 11weeks.
I have moments where I just want to go on a run.....I made it as far as the driveway a couple weeks ago and then just couldn't do it. Just blah with a side of exhaustion:(
And I keep hearing this crack train is going to hit in the 2nd trimester and I will be rearing to go again:) That all this energy will come out of no where...so I am waiting, waiting, waiting:)
I have things to do:)
1. Paint the nursery (don't worry I took before pictures to show)
2. Possibly paint this crib one of my friends gave us
3. Maybe find some other pieces of needed furniture....changing table, dresser
4. oh and catch up on the last 11 weeks of housework I feel like I have not been helping with:) (Thanks hubby:)  )
So today I was not my prettiest physically or emotionally to a couple of the key people in my life:( And I know it is exhaustion mixed with hormones......no one could say anything "right" until about 6 o'clock tonight:) And tomorrow is a new day, new hormones, and hopefully the real Lindsey will be back bright and early. But I know, they will love me though this........because I know they love me the most too.

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What's going on? And why am I soooo MIA???

Well first off I have to praise my husband for being the best thing in the world, on this planet and definitely my better half in my house as of lately. He is amazing. He is so supportive of me, even when he thinks he's not. He also has a gift of gently putting me in my place when I need it:) Which thankfully I hope is not too terribly often. He reminds me that I am human and I expect too much of myself at all times:) Which is true, and I need to hear a lot lately.

This blog has been neglected out of #1 exhaustion, #2 painful migraines, and when I am feeling good I am trying to make up for lost time and hours from cause #1 and #2.

We went on our honeymoon last week to Hawaii which was a blast, exhausting, and romantic all wrapped into one big week (see beautiful photo above). The Big Island was our destination and I will have home made videos produced by my hubs shortly. By the way I am almost always the sole star of these videos since he likes to film constantly..so watch for eye rolling and my lack of me wanting to participate...this is because the camera was on for what seemed like a continuous amount of time....pointed at just me:) Thank you Mr. Big Dog:)

However, we are not the only two people in this picture above. Yes, our little family will be turning into 3 as of October:) Which is the ultimate cause of #1, #2 and my overall lack of blogging abilities. I can't believe it happened so fast, I can't believe how much and how fast it takes over your body, and I can't believe how blessed we feel. I know many of my friends have struggled with fertility and I was warned it could take months. Then bam here we are ready or not:) But excited is an understatement.... Even if my body has not been screaming it, I swear my heart and mind are over the moon:)

However, I am still adjusting and haven't even gotten our wedding album done yet. So to say I am feeling behind is an understatement. Oh well, life takes you at the speed which you are suppose to be going....not necessarily how fast you think it should be:)

Today we got to hear the heartbeat for the very first time, it was amazing:) And at the moment Mr. Big Dog...aka now soon to be Big Daddy and I are thinking we are not going to find out the gender of our little bundle of joy. I think it adds some surprise and even more fun to the already exciting journey. What do you think? My sissy is not happy by this AT ALL:( She's definitely more of a planner:) I love a good surprise remember:) But I don't know, I think it might keep me on my toes till the very end........

Insight? Advice? I'm all ears.........

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Overdue Shout Out To God

Lord, I have never felt so out of control in my life. I mean this in the utmost surrender kind of way. I know this life has been given to me by you and I have the will to do what I want with it, but I again you are the one driving this bus.

I have faith and know that you give me what you know I need and what I can handle in the perfect timing of when I can handle it and need it.

I may have said over the years, "everything happens for a reason" and "it's his will, not mine" but really when you start to see everything line up in your life and become your dreams it really is overwhelming. It is so beautiful and wonderful but so scary all at once.....to feel the faith you have had is really being proven.

I have watched my sister and brother both find their partners early on, as I took another path against your unspoken guidance even with all the glaring warnings you flared at me. But you still loved and supported me through it and helped me to the other side.

I have always wanted to be a wife. To have a partner I can share everything with, someone who really gets me and loves me unconditionally. You have now given me all of this.

I have watched my sister and brother start little families with babies over the past years, and I craved and wanted it all so much for myself. I love them all with as much as I can, but still I hoped and prayed someday I would get the chance to experience it all myself.

As I watched from a far, everything else in my life seemed to fall apart. And when I sat in the rubble I hoped and prayed that you could help me find something better. You did.

All my dreams and hopes are being given to me, and there is no one who can convince me it is not you doing the work. You loving me and making it all happen. It happened so quick, it feels like overnight. I look at myself in the mirror and have to pinch myself sometimes. To feel this happy and be so content. To be so excited to live and see what is coming next.

And I know it is all your will and plan, and that things can change. But I trust in you that you know what is best for us.

Thank you is no where close to enough, I am so blessed.....we are so blessed.

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Bitter sweet

I had her for 11 years and 134,000 miles. I think I may be the only one in my family to keep a car to long. She was reliable and good to me. And now she is going to be a blessing to another family.

I didn't realize how attached I was to her until we got the call today that she sold. It funny how a car is such a huge part of your life and how much you depend on them. I have a lot of memories with that car, but I am ready to let her go.

On to the next chapter.....

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Working on my housewife skills

I've been trying to cook more and tonight I made this new version of a chicken pot pie. The recipe calls for some grand Pillsbury biscuits you just plop on top and bake. Mr. Big Dog loved it, I think I can tweak it to be a little better;) The biscuits just weren't quite as done as I would have liked on the bottom, but it was still pretty good;)

I like to cook by just googling....like "chicken pot pie" then I just mix a couple recipes together or pick one I like. Or by the ingredients I have in my pantry and fridge....like "spinach, tomatoes, etc."

I'm open for any new recipes if you have any:) This housewife thing is kind of fun;)

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To be 16 again......

Really I would never want to be 16 again. Don't get me wrong it was a nice year, not a lot of grown up responsibilities and my biggest worry was homework (or really how I was going to wear my hair to a dance). But geese I'm only 31 and my body just isn't what it used to be.

Mr. Big Dog and I went skiing yesterday. I actually snowboard and he skis. And let me first preference this whole post with the fact that in the past 10 years, after being raised with Lake Tahoe skiing in my backyard, I had really only going snowboarding a handful of times. So yesterday was the first real time of the season, or really in the past decade it was one of these small handful of times.

I forgot how much I love it, I forgot how fun it can be, but more importantly I forgot how athletic and conditioned you have to be to go ALL DAY.

I felt old and rickety, and by 11:30 needed a break with the hubs at the lodge. I even got a little down and depressed after lunch about how I "used" to be good at what now seemed like an accident waiting to happen as I fearfully tried to inch down the hills. I "used" to be fearless and not afraid to get hurt with a fall, and now my thighs and calves were burning worst then they ever did on a 70 mile bike ride. Burning like they might just ripe off and I would bleed to death from a detached muscle (which by the way could never happen).

It's sad but very true that what you don't use, you will surely loose. So I had my little pity party and Mr. Big Dog cheered my grumpiness out of me about how great I thought I used to be;) And we rode almost all day at the mountain.

Now to look back at my 16 year old legs and how I would ride all day and then tackle night skiing, and then go back the next day for more.

Today my legs are sore and as I sit here thinking about it all, I can't wait to get back up there. I know I'll never be 16 again, but I like this different place I'm at at 31. I like hanging with my husband drinking hot chocolate when we get tired, and watching the little tiny kids learning with their tow rope lifts. I like being able to still do something I have done since I was 13, maybe not as well but I am still getting out there. And I like how God puts you in a place of loving what you have when you have it, and doesn't let everything be easy. Can you imagine if I was able to just jump off a sofa and ski like I was 16 again without any effort? I think you would take more for granted.

Which today I love my sore legs more than ever, I might even go for a winter run:)

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A day with the boys....well morning at least:)

I took my two favorite little men this morning to the Vancouver Library downtown. If was my first time, but the boys were veterans..... they have been there with their mommy so I wasn't completely lost with the 3 year old telling me from the back seat, "white dare auntie, and dare are bikes here too." Thinking he must be confused by some other place with bikes, I mean why would he associate the library with bikes? We headed in. And there by the front door were several bikes, which he again pointed out, "dare dare are the bikes auntie." His memory is AMAZING by the way:) And I had to laugh when he showed me the bikes;) he knew what he was talking about......

In we went and we played hard for over an hour, then picked some books out, attempted to use the bathroom...which after getting all the way in there, dropping his drawers and his little brother trying to wash his hands.....he all the sudden did not have to go:(

Eventually I registered for my Vancouver Library card so we could check out some books. I got all checked in with my card and then as we started to head out through the "book" detector by the front doors we sounded the first alarm (remember I have a 3 year old and almost 2 year old with me). Back in we went as the librarian over her reading glasses looked at us like "get back here and what did you really put in that diaper bag?" They checked us out again...okay out we go....alarm for a second time. Now I am starting to think that maybe one of my nephews has put something in the bag that I didn't notice.....but no I don't find anything.

At this point I think we are starting to cause a little scene since the boys are starting to get hungry and we keep almost leaving and then coming back it.

So third time was a charm, no alarm and off we went home with 4 books about dogs:)

In the parking lot I load them up, seat belts on, as we start to back away I ask "what do you want for lunch?"

Hot dogs was the loud smiley answer I got, so hot dogs it was:)

I can't believe how fast they grow, I remember just yesterday Carter crawling and now he has his first bike:)

I am amazed by my sisters energy with those boys, seeing as how I kind of needed a nap myself once I got home just from our adventure this morning:)

Today just reminded me......Thank goodness for little boys and I love being an Auntie:)

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