These pictures are a couple years old but they crack me up:) Vinny was Elvis if you can't tell....doesn't he look thrilled about it?Sunday, October 31, 2010
Trick or treat give me something good to eat
These pictures are a couple years old but they crack me up:) Vinny was Elvis if you can't tell....doesn't he look thrilled about it?Friday, October 29, 2010
Bandaids
It's been 4 years since my family changed forever. And I looked hard at that tonight. Really hard. Look how far we have all come. Look how great it is that I can go out and meet my mom for dinner on a Friday night here in Portland, when I never thought she would move here. Instead of a phone call to Reno, Nevada I get to see her face to face.
Look how we all dusted ourselves off and continued. Maybe with a couple bandaids in place, but we're still walking and talking.
We are tough women in my family. Really. When life gives us lemons we're not all talk, we really make lemonade. My mom adds a little umbrella to it, my sister markets it for a business plan, and so far I just drink it but you get my drift.....
My sister amazes me everyday. She has her little family, my sweet nephew who she is fabulous with and then to add a cherry to the top they are about to do a beautiful thing and adopt a child from Ethiopia. My mom now lives here and can actually driver herself without getting lost from Vancouver to North Portland, which alone amazes me. And she works two jobs and still has time for cookie baking. She started over and you would think she's lived here for 20 years. All with a smile on her face.
As for me I have about 5 pokers in the fire at the moment just pushing to see where my path will take me.
I guess my point is that everything is just so different than what I would have ever expected, but perfect at the same time.
I hate to say it, but I always knew I would be at the place I am at now. I knew in my heart, I knew with all my mind that I would not stay married to him forever. Sad but true, but I guess I just wanted to ride that ride while it lasted. Ride that ride until it stopped. Weird how I knew it but I did it anyway. I think part of it was just to try to force my own family, when everything else was falling apart.
But today is a little bit of a celebration. I finished a huge project:). And most importantly..... I realized I am really okay.
And the people I love are okay. They are really okay. They are unbreakable strong people and I love them for that.
Everyone is okay, which makes me more okay in a sick twisted empathetic kind of way;) And everyday I am a little bit stronger...
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Exhaustion or happiness?
I have been so gitty today...all day. I am talking craziness!!! I am laughing at myself, laughing with my hairdresser till I thought I might pee my pants and then talking to complete strangers and laughing hysterically. Part is definitely exhaustion. I have been working two jobs this week since I am training for the new part time gig and there is a fair amount of start up training( * just a part time hospital JOB to meet some new people and broaden my horizons). So it's exhausting, plus I rode the bus two full days which when you are new too is a little stressful!
Anyways, I am also the happiest I have been in a very very very very very very..did I say very long time. It's funny how you don't realize how unhappy you were until you are happy again. It feels so good and I don't care how funny I look laughing at nothing.....because it feels good:)
Or maybe I have crossed into crazy exhaustion.......no I think happiness:)
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Thinking about a challenge
Well I am starting a new JOB this upcoming week:) It's just a little something for fun, I won't be quitting my real big girl job. However, there is a little bit of a challenge to this new place......parking. There is really no free parking, and the cost of the parking offered is astronomical. So I am taking the challenge of mass transit.
Yes people I am going green and turning into a real live Portlander. I am going to challenge myself to not drive to this new job. Maybe this will even rub off into my other job. I am embarrassed to say I haven't touch my beautiful bike much this year so I am going to dust it off and use it as part of my commute too.
Wish me luck.....
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Animal Planet
I have this knack for having my friends and family's dogs stay over. Today Sgt. Pepper, aka Pepper, is hanging out for the day so her mom and I can run this afternoon (traffic can be bad here so this way she doesn't have to go pick up Pep and head back here). The only problem is Pepper is scared of my laminate flooring, which I have throughout my house. So today she is constantly whimpering and walking backwards throughout my house. It's like that game kids play where you pretend the floor is hot lava, so she runs from carpet to kitchen rug to dog bed and back. She just hates my beautiful floors:( But she's going to love her run this afternoon with Ruby....she doesn't know it yet but it is all going to be worth it:) My three furry children just keep looking at her, like "what's the deal lady?"
Mr. Moose will be checking in Tues through Thursday, maybe I should start a doggie hotel business:)
Monday, October 18, 2010
Asking for directions
Have you ever been at a place in your life where you have absolutely no idea which way to go? Right, left, up, down, any direction....completely lost? Sometimes I feel like I don't even know my name let alone what I want. So lost and I am just trying to stay on the road or the path let alone know where I am even heading.
Tonight I just want to let go. I want to let it all go and just let fate lead me. Why is that so hard? Why can't I just trust? That is what it is really about, trust. Not like I trust myself anymore than God. But geeze, if I could just let go I think I am bound to head in some direction.
I just want a sign. Any sort of sign would do. This standstill mundane no direction, no clue is killing me. I need to get going. I need to figure it out. Time is ticking....ticking....
Maybe I should pack up and move to Vegas, or maybe New York, no no ....California? Just run like hell from my current life. A fresh start sounds like a no-brainer some days. Or should I get focused and get into school? Graduate in 2.5 years and start another career? Be more responsible...and productive with my time now. Or maybe I can learn guitar and start a band this week.....something completely different and insane, even bring back the side pony as a fashion statement.
But seriously, the lesson I think I am supposed to be learning here is trust and patience. Both of which I lack significantly. Just not my comfort zone to trust or be patient. I don't have a good record in the trust department. I trusted and was let down over and over again. I have NO control and need to just ask for directions. Ask for God to lead....you know take the wheel. So tonight, after crying in a dairy queen napkin on my way home I stopped and asked him for directions. Hopefully he'll get back to me soon....
Sunday, October 17, 2010
It has been years since I carved a pumpkin. Mr. Big Dog and I hit up Winco for some cheap 17 cents a pound pumpkins the other night. We have had some fun dates for sure, I like how we do ordinary things like carve pumpkins:) Anyways, I have been waiting till mid month to carve them....so October 16th is mid month. I hate carving them the night before Halloween and then you only get to light them once. So early or not we lit them up last night. They all look so different. We did funny pumpkin, shocked pumpkin, drunk pumpkin, scary and happy. And did you know growing up I always thought Halloween was a national (miss school) holiday? Yep, this is actually because Halloween doubles as Nevada Day. Yes Nevada day. We celebrate the statehood of Nevada with a day off and no mail delivery. Anyways, I am still planning my costume for handing out candy to all the little kids in my neighborhood. The dogs maybe dressed up too....
