Round 2 or the Right Round?

Mr. Big Dog and I definitely share a lot of interests. We both like to be challenged physically, we are both very capable independent people, and in general we like a lot of the same stuff. We are starting to mind read each other, like some couples can:) But one thing we both share that not everyone does is the club of divorce. Yep, there I said it. Big ugly, pink elephant, but worked through it, tough stuff divorce.

And I think it is interesting how non-divorced and divorced people see us. I know I personally found out early on who my true friends were in the smoke settling of my big D. I learned some people judge you for it, and some just don't know how to act with you...like you have cancer all of the sudden.

But something I think Mr. Big Dog and I are different about is the insecurity that comes with the history of the D. And maybe insecure is the wrong word, maybe it's just how I can feel some people may not think I am ready to be married again. Maybe because people can't understand how I found Mr. Big Dog in what seems like a quick amount of time from the outside, or how I was able to trust and love again like what was once described to me as a rubber band.....I just bounced back. (by the way none of these people are anyone close to me that I actually really respect their input on my life:) )

But really no one knows but me and him:) Divorced people might understand a little easier, but really it's just.....to me.....like a totally different world.

It's nothing like my past, it's nothing like anything I have ever known. It's so much more special, and so much less work. So much less drama, so much love and just wonderful all around.

I am not naive, I know we will have struggles....but I would not want to struggle with anyone else.

But tonight, when we told a complete stranger that we were both divorced and we're now getting married... I couldn't help but feel his judging eyes. Maybe he thinks we don't value marriage, maybe he's divorced and bitter himself, or maybe he was just in a bad mood...but for some reason I wanted to tell him...."this isn't round 2 buddy, it's just finally the right round."

But then I realized, it doesn't matter, I'm not him and he's not me...and I am so happy I don't even really care.

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Thankful

It's raining hard here this morning, it sounds like someone it throwing rocks at the windows. The dogs are all lying around my feet as I have my morning blog fixes and coffee. I look back over the past year and I am so thankful for so much.

2011 Thankful List:

I have a consistent great job, wait I have two:)

I sold my house in a week and didn't loose my shorts on it:) I didn't make much either but it was painless.

I rode 100 miles for Leukemia/Lymphoma and didn't die doing it.

I have my health and completed Hood to Coast for the 3 year in a row.

I am 99% sure my doctor found my migraine source:) YIPPEEE!!! So my life should be migraine free or at least less in the near future.

I am thankful to have a great partner in my life who supports everything, even my craziness at times.

We have a beautiful house, food in the fridge and sometimes even a roaring fire in the fireplace going as the cherry on top.

We have a great bunch of family and friends, near and far who we will have in our lives forever.

And today I am thankful for my constant restlessness, because I am going to get some stuff done:)

What are you thankful for?

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Just can't get enough....pumpkin cupcakes

Where is this year going? Wasn't it August just yesterday? I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week!!! I will be at work on the holiday and I am planing on bringing my soon to be staple pumpkin cupcakes with maple frosting:) I've made them twice now and had rave reviews:) Mr. Big Dog definitely liked them, but he's so sweet I think he'd eat anything I make. I did eat them myself so I know they are tasty:)

I got the recipe here after a random pumpkin cupcake search:)

Try them out......so easy:)

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Having Faith

Definition of Faith:

1. Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

2. Strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof.

At least this is the definition I found tonight when looking it up online.

So when people talk about "having" faith, like it's something palpable, it gets me thinking. And I think and think about how to "have" it or really feel it. I mean, that is what it is....feeling.....having trust and confidence in someone or something would really be an internal feeling.

I hope I haven't lost you, stay with me.....I'm not trying to get all philosophical on you. Lord knows, I am as right brained as them come....or maybe that's left:) Anyways, I am very factual, I love proof and reassurance that point A will lead to point B.

So like others, I have some issues with faith in general. Not really faith in God but faith that I am not in control all the time. I mean, what if I am more than I think...then if I don't drive this bus for even a second...well let's just say we could be off in the ditch in no time. Right?

But when I really start to see my faith flame flickering and dimming, it seems that's when I get these thoughts like:

"It will all work out, all this fretting for nothing. You are making wrinkles in your forehead and you haven't even given it a chance to not work."

Let's just say work is a little distressing lately, wedding plans are a little sensitive, and my dogs are not behaving.

So even though none of this sounds very faith oriented at the first read, the foundation is the same. Everything will work out, everything will be fine, and I am thankful for so much...I'm thankful to have the stresses I have.

So tonight I am trying to put some kerosene on my faith flame, relax and get a good nights sleep....everything happens as it should and in the right time.

So go have some faith:)

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Big day of detective work

Well for awhile now I have had migraine headaches. Awhile being since 2000. I remember my first one, it was in college and it was horrible. But I always blamed it on something. Stress, eating habits, college alcohol ingestion, lack of sleep, not drinking enough water, too much sugar, no coffee, coffee, etc. You get my drift.

But as the years went on the headaches continued. And I tried to cut things out that may be causing them, I've tried to figure out the triggers. And they are better then they were ( were being every other week for about 3 months). But they still are affecting my life on a monthly basis.

I know I can give myself one with stress and lack of sleep, but then I have them out of the blue without warning or really any cause that I can tell.

I have had tons of doctors, tried tons of things. Medications, acupuncture, chiropractor visits, diet and exercise. But still they are always around and lurking. Just when I think " I haven't had a migraine.." bam I get one. Then I start to think I caused it by thinking about it. Seriously, I am so sick of having them.

So I found a new doctor that doesn't just brush me off with "you could be worse." And she is leaving no stone unturned.

Today I have an MRI I am not looking forward to, but I am looking forward to just knowing if there is something I can do to stop these headaches. My stress level is low, my sleep has been pretty plentiful ( I always run on 7 hours:) ) and I like to think I am eating relatively healthy (besides Halloween candy).

So wish me luck and pray I don't freak out in the MRI machine, it's an hour long. What a way to spend a Saturday:) At least Mr. Big Dog is going with me.....poor guy but such a trooper.

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This is why I love Mr. Big Dog

I love how we can act like ten year olds on a Sunday night, ending our weekend carving pumpkins:)

I have to admit I stole the heart shape idea off Pinterest:) My latest addiction. Now our porch is lit with little personality on this crisp autumn night:)

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Where have I been?

Well I don't really know the answer to that question. Life gets busy. Busy with important things, and busy with unimportant things. And then you realize it's been a month and you haven't gotten your toes done with your good girlfriend or posted on your blog:(

Life can do that. I can not believe it's October. I can not believe I have sold my house and moved in with my wonderful Mr. Big Dog. I can't even believe I have a fiance some days. But it is all so good and I get overwhelmed at how fast it is all speeding by.

I look back to how I have lived in the pacific northwest for 13 years, how I've only been back to Reno once in the past year, and just how grown up my sister, brother and I are.

My nephews and niece are already toddlers, in the blink of an eye they are talking and feeding themselves. Life just keeps speeding by. Everyday seems to slip through my hands faster lately and I just can't fit it all in.

And tonight, watching all my nephews and niece running around in their little pajamas I just took a mental picture. I just wanted to remember their little hands and feet, little voices and laughter.

I just want to hit the pause button right now....like that John Mayer song.......you know, this one.

Everything is so great, I just feel like it's all happening too quick and I just want to enjoy every single second of it.......

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