Sick as a dog..

Yep, that's me. I finally did it. I pushed myself too far and now I am paying the price with mandatory down time. I am talking snotty nose, hoarse voice, smokers cough, and a head ache that actually might in the Guinness book of world records as the longest and most stubborn annoyance on earth. As I was feeling so gross and bad I started to think of the saying "sick as a dog." What does that really mean? Who said it first?

Mr. Big Dog is always bringing up these idioms. Which are phrases that do not mean exactly what they say, they have hidden meanings. And now thanks to the Internet (what did we ever do without it?) you can just look up the meaning behind these idioms. Sick as a dog is in reference to how dogs can eat so much that they get sick, and it's been around since the 1500's...can you believe that?!

It's kind of funny how we just say some of these one liners and don't think much about it. You can really google anything and find the meaning or the origin now:)

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Walking mermaid

I think I am a different kind of girl. I do things my own way, usually the more difficult way but still my way. I think I am atypical with a lot of my hobbies (i.e junking, reading nursing magazines, dog parks). I like the saying "walking mermaid" because it is something that wouldn't happen and really would be rare if it did happen. An imaginary oxymoron if you will. Which is how I feel a lot lately. Like this oddity unusual thing, even though I bet I am more normal than I think.

Where am I going with this? Oh yeah, I do things the hard way. Always have and probably always will but I do them MY way. Which is very important. Every turn and step I have taken, I took. No one forced me, but I can look back to a lot of forcing I did on myself. That little rumble in my stomach saying No, but I pushed on Yes. Or the loud No's of people close to me that love me, and me still saying Yes.

Maybe it is maturity, maybe my inner voice has gotten too loud to ignore, but all of the sudden it's funny how clear I can hear my thoughts. Now if I could just figure out the direction I am suppose to be heading.....

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It's raining. It's pouring. The old man is snoring....

Today is the Portland Marathon, oh how I respect all the runners today! Not only is it 26.2 miles, IT IS POURING RAIN. I'm talking monsoon weather, fall is here!

It's funny how different people have different opinions about rain. My mom says her thoughts here. And in the northwest we have a lot of it, especially in the Fall/Winter months.

My love for rain has changed with my geography.

Nevada rain is usually thunderstorm weather. In the summer, when it's been 100 degrees all day and the concrete is too hot to walk on with your bare feet you can expect it. You've been out all day at the lake or around town in an air conditioned car hanging with friends. Then it hits. You can see it rolling in over the biggest little city. The dark puffy clouds form and like a needle to a balloon it just explodes. The sounds bounces off the mountains and the concrete cools with this undeniable smell. It's definitely the wet concrete smell I love, but it has to be hot concrete or it doesn't smell.

When I was little I remember my grandfather telling me during a huge thunder storm, "God is up there bowling. We get to hear him!" I think I was at the age where I was scared of the loud thunder and I remember all the fear just washing away picturing god bowling like my grandpa and I did at the old Reno Starlight bowl:) And it really does sound like bowling:)

Anyways, back to the northwest. The terrain and climate has changed my rain. And honestly my first year here (back in 98) it was very hard to get use to. It rained a lot my first fall/winter, actually 26 days consecutively. Which doesn't sound like a lot, but it really is a lot of overcast wetness when you are in it. And it's funny because I remember locals telling me, "this is not how it is here, this is a lot for even us." And up here in Portland it's kind of like Alaska with their snow. You know how they are suppose to have 57 words for snow up there? Well I think we have about 57 different types of rain here. Sprinkling, pouring, misting, drenching, drizzling, storming, etc just to name a few. And with our rain locals do not carry an umbrella, another fact I learned my first year here:)

Anyways, there is comfort in the rain coming. You know all is right with the world. I mean it is so consistent here. EVERY fall when it starts, and EVERY spring when it ends. God has this schedule for us, some consistency which is comforting for some reason right now. Something repeating and not being foreign. Rain is a given every single year.

Sometimes I do think god has his days and nights mixed up with the rain. Like it would be prettier if it rained at night and we had some clear skies during the day. It seems the rain stops right as the stars come out and then it begins again the second the sun rises. Or maybe this is because he wants us to see the stars:)

Either way, I love the rain and how it nourishes the grass and flowers, it washes away the dirt, and leaves everything touched and clean. It smells differently here. My hot concrete smell is non-existent. It is more cool and clean smelling, and the soothing.

This morning I realized.....and I don't know if I do this every single time it rains (but maybe I do), I was singing in my head this morning. Oh my, what if I am always singing this when it rains......another quirk for me I guess:)

I was singing a childhood song.....

It's raining, it's pouring;
The old man is snoring.
Bumped his head
And he went to bed
And he couldn't get up in the morning.

And all was right with my life and I was ready to get out there in the beautiful rain and cheer for some runners. So everyone send happy warm thoughts to all the runners out there in their monumental challenge today of 26.2 miles in the pouring cold rain. And Happy Sunday!

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This little train almost got off the track

Sometimes, okay maybe very often, I push myself to the point of too much. I work too much, then play too much, then just do too much. And then it hits me. I am so exhausted I feel horrible and just need to sleep. Yesterday was one of those days. I hit the wall around 3pm but still had to work until 7:30 which was not pretty. Mentally, physically, or emotionally:(

I was in bed by 8:30 and I really don't think I even moved all night. And it was one of those nights where I slept so hard I didn't even dream.

My point is that no matter how hard you push yourself you have limits and if you don't listen to them, someone else makes you listen to them. Begin part of the medical field I can tell you sleep is underrated. Scientists and doctors have studied sleep and don't really know why you need it. They can't find an exact reason as to why we need to sleep. So since they don't know why, they don't value it. I have patients all the time that are so sleep deprived they get a little or even a lot coo-coo. Or they just don't feel good or do as well.

So maybe sleep is your time to subconsciously connect with something higher. To process your life so it doesn't get off track. Of just time to take a break from yourself and your purposeful thoughts.

I know I am much better today mentally from my golden 9 hours sleep.

I feel good:) Maybe James Brown got a really good nights sleep before writing that song:)

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Fine China

I feel like a piece of china sitting out on display. I look okay from a far but when you really get up close you can see a bunch of little spider web cracks, even a chip or two missing. And even closer you would see that the lid doesn't even fit right. Its just kind of balancing on top...maybe it's not even the original lid, like I'm a sugar bowl with a tea pot lid. Now I am sounding crazy, but I just love analogies I guess.

Maybe its just my own paranoia but I kind of feel like people close to me are at bay just kind of watching me. I look like the same sugar bowl, but they are watching to see "how I am, how I am progressing..good or bad", and if that lid is going to ever really fit right.

And for the most part I keep it together. I feel like I am living two lives some days. One happy and put together and one very beat up and kind of disheveled.

Really I think my china was damaged in the UPS box before it even got loaded onto the truck.

But damaged or not here I am, here I stand. I am still standing. And some days when the sun hits me just right you can see all my faults and flaws, but tonight I am the only one looking at my china and every part of it is as is should be. Right now, right here....every crack happened for a reason. And what is left now, is all that really matters.

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Lazy Active Sunday

I love laid back days, even though I don't let myself have them often if ever anymore. I gotta keep moving for some reason....thinking if I stop I might never get started again.

Here's the recipe for one of my perfect days....

Fall morning breakfast at home

Hot shower, lazy dogs, pumpkin spice candle burning

Kung Fu church

Cool car show with a handsome man

Wandered 23rd Ave for a second

Watched a movie

Heirloom tomatoes with mozzarella (my new addiction) next to a fire on a crisp autumn night with four legged furry children scattered around my feet....

I definitely need to let go more and think less (common theme and statement lately)....because when I do it feels sooooo nice:)

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Last days of summer

There is this fountain down by the Library close to my house. I love driving or walking the dogs by in the summer and hearing the kids scream and laugh as they run through the water. It's like a giant sprinkler:) I personally had never walked through it or really gone too terribly close to it until my girlfriend called yesterday. She wanted to take her little guy down in the 85 degree heat to run through it.

All of these kids were having the best time. They were stepping on the holes where the water comes out or half stepping on them to spray each other. They were forming lines and running down the middle, and using empty Gatorade bottles to fill up and soak each other.

The temperature was perfect, the time of day perfect, the company perfect. It wasn't too bright and hot, the sun was just starting to start its evening descent. And little man was rejuvenated from an afternoon nap.

It is always funny to me how kids can just meet and play with one another within seconds. I love that about them. How they don't think or analyze, they just do. When does that stop? When do we start thinking before we do?

I guess it's part of growing up, realizing there are consequences for every action in your life you start to really think before you do anything. Maybe I just want to not think and just do for awhile....maybe I'm regressing to a three year old? Or maybe I just wanted to run through the fountain once and act like a three year old:)

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