I can see clearly now the rain is gone....

A couple of my friends and I keep discussing: Are you a glass half full or half empty kind of person? And how every situation can be interpreted one of two ways....positively or negatively. Your response to these situations are kind of built on a pro/con system....I mean usually you are thinking "If I open door 1, this will happen" or "But if I open door 2 this could happen." Back and forth like a ping pong match, at least if you are in my mind.....

I like to think that I have the more positive point of view a majority of the time, not all the time but a majority of it. That I like to give things the benefit of the doubt and let them unfold into whatever they will be...not forcing anything.

But lately I have the worst case scenario bug and the glass half empty chiming in my head. It's really like this battle of one talking to the other ( I guess at least they are not avoiding one another passive aggressively, its actually a fully debate like conversation in there sometimes).

My point about this is that it has become really exhausting.....I am tired from it and of it. So I am going to just let it all be and tell them to take a truce for a little while.
I am going to go with my gut and heart, and stop my mind from forming pro/con lists right now!

I don't see anything negative to actively deciding to not over think for awhile....wait.. I think I am pro listing this decision right now? This may be harder than I think....wish me luck.

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Sara Stalker...or just a really big fan...

I know I may start sounding like a Sara stalker but I love the girl:) One of my besties and I went to see her tonight and she was fabulous.

We got downtown early and found what we thought was "lucky" parking. It was 5.00 and just a block away from the venue. We pulled in and jumped out. Then gas station attendant/parking lot guy insisted we move the car not once, not twice, but three times. I was thinking, "oh well it's 5.00 who cares." Then he wanted our keys. Hmmm, it is a legit gas station...but why does he need our keys? I didn't have anything of value in the car so I handed him the keys. I mean I have witnesses, this is downtown Portland, what is the worst thing that could happen with giving my keys to this guy (who by the way had a very realistic glass eye)?

Keys to guy, off to show.

The show was great and we were there at a good time where we got awesome seats and were able to get a drink and something to eat:)

Sara played a lot of her new album and some good old stuff too.

I just think its amazing when someone makes it as far as she had with her singing career from a little small start in Eureka, California. She shows you how bad she wanted it with every part of her performance.

One of my favorite songs she sang tonight was many the miles.....it's just really get you out of your seat happy.....which is why I like here so much. Greg Laswell also opened for her, you can tell he's going to be a big name really quick:)

So after the show we headed to our car, remember the 5.00 "lucky" parking? We walk into the gas station store section and asked for our keys back.

The same man who made me re-park three times did not remember me from Adam. And I like to think I am a somewhat memorable person:) "Keys? Keys?" You would have thought we were asking for the cure to cancer. He acted like he didn't even know what keys were. So now I am starting to freak a little bit ( I mean worst case, because that's how I think, I would call someone somewhere to help me get my extra set from my house right?) was this guy having a stroke? So now I am laughing, my girlfriend is laughing and this guy decides...and actually says this out loud, "All I got is a Honda key....maybe it will work.......I really hope this key is your car...but if not.....I uh don't know what to tell you..." No joke, he said this as he handed me my Nissan Xterra key...MY KEY:)

We literally ran to the car and had an awesome laugh attack about how we would never be using LUCKY parking again....what do you expect for 5.00? But we really did have a priceless night:)

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Sleepover...

Mr. Big Dog's little dog Jay is staying with me for a couple of days while he is out of town. When I say little I am being sarcastic. He is the complete opposite of little, he is huge. Actually he is 135lbs of hugeness. Which outweighs me. When asked, being the dog lover I am, I promptly answered "no problem." I mean he seems to be a large teddy bear and what is one more dog to my pack for the weekend? Then I started to get intimidated. I mean...what if he's "too much" dog for me? What if I can't control him? What if I lose him or something happens this weekend to make me seem like an unfit dog sitter?

So after work I went to pick up Jay after a long 12 hours, I took my girlfriend with the thought that "if I can't handle him and get him in the car, she definitely will...or there will at least be two of us to trouble shoot whatever I have gotten myself into." So we pulled up and unlocked the garage door expecting a huge ball of energy to pounce on us. But instead, big teddy bear Jay just lifted his head like "can you turn that light back off I was trying to sleep here."

He seemed more bothered than shocked that two women were now in his garage trying to get him to go outside and get into their car. But none the less the got his mini pony sized body up and started for the door. He leaped in the back of my car like he had done this all before and promptly laid himself down. He could not have cared less. He would have left with anyone....which my girlfriend kept saying over and over.

We got home and after my littlest dog Vince tried to show him who the real boss was he took his spot on his bed and just went back to sleep. It was like the whole trip over to my side of town was just an intermission in his nap time.

So I guess I was worried for nothing:) And he seems to fit in well with the pack, but I don't think Vince is anything close to thrilled....

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A picnic and some bird watching...

Here in the northwest you can always find something to do. So when people say they are bored up here they are just really not trying. You can do anything from a hike to a pirate festival. I'm not staying I attend just anything I hear about but there are some really awesome events that I am starting to take more advantage of.

A friend of mind a couple years ago told me about the Swifts of Chapman Elementary. I tried to go see them shortly after hearing about them and unluckily went the day after they migrated:( So now a couple years later, I gave it another shot.

One thing I love about the Portland is the over abundance of little grocery markets and shops you can just pop in and buy unique foods for a picnic. I bought some pesto pasta salad, cheese, pears, salami, and homemade cookies for our picnic. Grabbed a blanket and off we (me and Mr. Big Dog) went. The weather was perfect, clear and crisp. The people watching was very epic with Portland-ers from business folk to the true Oregon hippie scattered around on blankets waiting for the show. Mr. Big Dog and I made up the perfect scenario for this man and woman next to us, in true people watching fashion. Our story for them was that it was originally a work relationship turned romantic:)

We had a really nice time, and it was the perfect evening. I think the company you have for things like this can really make the whole experience so much more fun and enjoyable.

Anyways, back to the birds....so it was amazing to see something like 35,000 little swift birds flying above in circles with one another like they were on an amusement park ride together. They flew around for what seemed like forever until the sun really set, then they started to form this huge line to get into their chimney home for the night. As the line entered the chimney the birds would almost just fall in and when the line was getting too wide some would fly back around in this huge sky circle for a second chance the next loop around.

My description really doesn't do the experience justice. And you can only see this show in September in Portland before they migrate south for the winter so if you want to go it will have to be in the next week. But it was beautiful....

As well as maybe just a little bit, ummmm..... creepy. Maybe only to Mr. Big Dog and I but we started to think about Alfred Hitchcock's: The Birds film. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all, we began to think:( We watched in awe of how many birds there really were, and really how they could turn and attack us at any minute. While everyone else was thinking how benign the birds were, we were thinking little weapons of destruction...... We had a good laugh about this and decided they were just sweet little sparrows putting on a show just for us:) at least for now they are.....

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Sometimes it takes a village....or just a group of really great friends:)

I am totally my mother's daughter. I always try to cram too much into one day and end up pulling late nighters just to finish the bare minimum of what I was trying to get accomplished.

With a deadline lurking in the very near distance causing me to push on through and always seem to get it done:) A couple nights ago was one of those nights. I had about 12 people coming over for a chili feed/cupcake feast in exchange for helping me with some long overdue projects.

These projects I have, have been overwhelming me lately. And when you are overwhelmed (at least for me) you stress and vent to work buddies and friends. SOOOOOO I think they just got sick of hearing my complain and a couple of them offered labor in exchange for my homemade chili and some cupcakes (doesn't that sound like a gastric nightmare).

Anyways, they seem to love my chili.

I got the recipe off the food network a couple years ago. And it' even kind of healthy...you should try it out. I use turkey instead of chicken. I just love chili in the fall:)

I think it's a maturity thing or maybe I just have good luck. But I have the best friends. They are truly caring, awesome, giving people that are always willing to help each other out.

I decided a couple years back to only have friendships with good people. I know, I know, we all say this but I really don't like superficial relationships of any kind. I don't like spending time with people out of obligation. And I have definitely figured out that if someone does not share the same moral values as me, we probably are not going to cliche:)

Life is too short. And they say you are the company you keep right? Well I would keep company with everyone I had over today again in a heartbeat.

And life is all about ups and downs, and give and take:) I have been there for a couple of these people when they need it too. Maybe not putting in a fence or pulling their weeds, but in cupcakes, lasagna, and sometimes just listening.....

My friends are soooo awesome! It looks great:) Thanks everybody!

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I need a new mower....a real mower (this is not an analogy for a man)

I had an epiphany today while mowing the lawn.

First of all, my yard is a 1/4 acre and I have been busy and out of town so I think it's been about 2 weeks since I last mowed it. Thanks to Portland, it still needed to be mowed because the fall rain made it grow:) Anyways, I HATE my mower. It's probably user error but I can't get the bag to stay on and then when it is on it sprays grass on me. And for some reason when I think I have it on correctly, under the right tire doesn't seem to cut. So I am out there, with my three dogs watching me, thinking "seriously, give me a break and just let me get this done. Why god does this have to be so difficult?" I am sweaty, hungry, tired, and really I am mowing twice since under the right tire is not cutting.....And then I start to get mad. I start to think about how this was his job. This was not my responsibility in my past life...or I should say as of 3 months ago. It was his. And I get upset. Upset with him, upset with me for being upset with him, and really upset with the stupid mower.

Back to the epiphany. Here I am about to cry about the stupid mower (probably just a little hormonally related or maybe sleep deprivation induced) with the three sets of little dog eyes staring at me like "mom just keep it together....and by the way you missed a spot over there."

And then it happened.......

I realized.....I would rather be alone forever than ever be with him again. Really I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I don't mean it hatefully or with anger. I just mean I am coming more and more to understand that this is the best thing I could, we could have ever done. We were totally wrong for one another and we made the worst come out in each other. Yes he did mowed the lawn but he was not a good partner for me.

Upon realizing this I felt free and grateful for a fresh start. Grateful that I get to have somewhat of a second life. And grateful I can mow my own lawn even if I am a mess at the end of it and it looks amateur:(

I think a majority of people live two lives in their lifetime. Nowadays, most are due to divorce. But still none the less, they live two lives. Divorce, drinking, death all can cause this second life. I recently have met all three types of "second lifers" and we are all so different, yet so similar in our situations of trying to figure it all out and not make the same "mistakes" as last time...

I am on to, or I should say....in my second life, but that does not mean the first didn't shape me and was for nothing. I am not trying to act like I am through it and it's all easy breezy. I don't

mean to come across cold or detached like it meant nothing to me. But I am glad it is over.

I just didn't realize how much I was living for someone else. How I was constantly putting someone else's needs above my own. And how most of all, I was not getting what I needed at all when I was really honest with myself.

It still hurts. And tonight after not crying for what seemed like forever, I cried. I had a good cry and thought about how even though this epiphany is progress....it can really feel like failure. Failure to have really not known myself, failure to have not been my own best friend, and failure to not be able to tap out when it really started to hurt and be bad for me.

But I am thankful that this is the foundation for my second life:) And I will be looking at a new mower for this new life this weekend:)....Do they come in pink? I would totally buy a pink mower....maybe I just came up with a new business idea.

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Does everything happens for a reason? Is it luck? I think a little of both

I have had a lot of stuff going on in my personal life (like I even need to say that) over the past 4 or so months. But I know so many other people having much more difficult times and things happening in their lives. I know I have said this before but when you hear about or see someone else going through something you automatically compare yourself.

Today I saved someones life:) She was is only 35 and has a one year old! It was horrible and stressful, but oh so rewarding when it all fell together and worked out. And I am happy to say she is fine and doing well thank goodness:)

She must have come along today to show me how different life can be in one single second. How you take for guaranteed the small things or the large for that matter. Your health, your friends, your dogs, you name it. And when you think you are having a bad day, sometimes you get a good old smack down from something higher just to show you how great you have it.

And sometimes you just get reassurance of why you are here, doing what you are doing at the moment....which is what I experienced today;) I love my job:)

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