God's will? Or a little personal will? It's just an epic battle.....

Lately, I have been trying to not let stress get me too riled up. But it is so easy to do when you loose faith even a little. I'm in this constant battle in my head with "everything happens as it's supposed to" and "oh no! maybe I should do A, B, and C in hopes I get D!"
I'm sure it's normal to have a little bit of anxiety when you're pregnant. Like stress about whether or not I will work full time once the baby comes? should we try to renovate the bathroom before the bundle gets here? NAMES?!!!! Will I be a good mom? the list goes on and on......

 But really when I sit back and think....."you know if you just relax, it will all be okay."  I know I let more of GOD's will in, and I don't have to make these bigger decisions alone. I know everything I have EVER forced, did not work out. I have learned a lot the hard way and also sometimes the more painful way. And I know I can handle whatever is thrown my way with the support of GOD and my husband.

That does not mean this is not a daily battle. And I now am realizing I worry about the wrong things.
Like what people will think about my decisions. Like what people will think about OUR decisions. I have people in my life that can be judgmental and don't necessarily think letting things just "happen" is the way approach certain life decisions.

 But I do know that just because I don't have kids, doesn't mean I don't know anything....but sure I can learn a thing or two:)

 Just because financially I can stay at home with my baby....doesn't mean I necessarily will full time....who knows how and what situation my family will be in 6 months from now, plus the 3 month maternity leave is actually 9 months:) Oh and Mr. Big Dog gets paternity leave too, so if we overlap who knows how long till I really would have to address this. Plus NOTHING is permanent:) My point is this stress if for nothing because no decision needs to be made right this second:)

 Whatever name I choose will be perfect.

 The bathroom is just another room in my house at the end of the day.

People can judge me all they want, but in the end I really only care about how I look in one person's eyes......GOD.
I know if I do the best I can, let His will happen, then everything will always be as it's supposed to be.
Now if only I could truly live this motto second to second, oh the stress I would eliminate!
Oh well, I am only human:) And all I can do, is the best I can do:)

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Somethings are so much better shared

Well I don't think I mentioned yet it but my sissy is pregnant too:) She's about 6 weeks ahead of me with my soon to be newest nephew. We are so excited to have another set of little boy feet running around. And if anyone can handle 3 boys, it will be my sister. We had a great Easter morning over at my mom's today and my sister and I did our first belly shot together!

It's funny how when you're younger you think about things like your sister always living close by and maybe someday you having kids around the same time. And then life happens and you realize this is really not a realistic fantasy and the chances of it happening are not that likely.
My sister and I have always been close, she came to Portland a year after me and attended the same college. We've been able to live somewhat close to each other now for the past 5 years, and even closer since my latest move. But here we are and we are both going to be pregnant together:) It's starting to really sink in as we took our first dual belly shot on Easter morning. How much fun to be pregnant with your sister?!!!
I can't wait (remind me I said this later) so be in our last trimesters this summer together, hopefully by the pool with her other little men:)
I think now that we are both getting further along our guards are more relaxed and we can really start to enjoy being pregnant together. She'll definitely have a lot of sisterly advice I will take as I prepare for my first little bundle. And we can also lament together about our swelling bodies and most likely encourage each others worst food cravings:)
I mean, what else are sisters for anyways? I just love her:)

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It's growing

So we hit a mile marker and turned 12 weeks on Friday:) I personally think this picture makes me look more pregnant then I look in person but Mr. Big Dog disagrees as he rubs the bump daily:) ( I don't know if that is a good thing, or bad thing but it's pretty cute).
We are going to start taking pictures every week to document the bump growth. It's hard to explain, except "weird." I mean your body just takes off and starts doing its own thing on autopilot. My hunger pains have slowed, thank god and my energy seems to be increasing:) My headaches (knock on wood) have not happened in over 2 weeks!!! And I'm really starting to feel like I CAN DO THIS attitude coming it. It's funny because before I got pregnant I was lamenting to Mr. Big Dog about how I NEEDED something to do. You know, something to train for....a half marathon, another bike ride, a new job, etc. I needed something challenging and physical. And I do realize I do better with constant chaos and a schedule (like that 100 mile bike ride gave me) but nothing seemed to be really jumping out at me at the time. And I even remember joking with him and saying, "well if I get pregnant I guess that will be like my marathon....I mean you are training for 9 months and it's physical." And we both laughed. And now here we are 3 months into my newest adventure, and he's part of the ride:) Which makes it so much better.
I just feel blessed all around. Blessed for my husband, blessed to have a job, blessed to not have too much stress in my life and now blessed to be able to become a mommy. I've wanted kids for a as long as I can remember. I was the big sister to two siblings, I always had a baby doll, and I became the neighborhood babysitter really more for fun with the bonus of cash. I watched my sister experience it up close and my brother with his wife, but it's just not enough or the same to watch it from the side seat. I am so excited to experience it......
We got to hear the heartbeat a couple weeks ago and it was this surreal moment of everything being so "right" in my life. Just this little tap on my shoulder from god to say, "hey, remember I told you it would all work out and your life would be so much better." And I swear he even added a little laugh, like you silly girl:) I couldn't help but smile and think about how much I have been given and how I just want to cherish every single second of it:)

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