Monday, August 5, 2013

The way I feel is 90% stay at home mom and 10% nurse. I work one day a week currently and that day I spend the morning with little man and leave around 2pm....missing his evening and bedtime but then home for him the next morning. This has been the format since late March. I was off from work for 7 months prior to March. 7 months. 7 months. 7 months. And frankly it was hard going back after 7 months. I felt and still feel rusty. With one day a week it's hard to really get my footing back where it was quickly.
It's hard when you have been something for 11 years full time. And not to toot my own horn by I was pretty good at it if I may say so myself. I just feel like I'm running on 80% of my old self when it comes to working as a nurse. It's there but sometimes feels like I'm moving in slow motion or trying to do it all left handed. Awkward and uncomfortable at times I am still finding my way with the balance.
When something has been such a huge part of your life and you were good at it....it's just hard to realize it's not going to be anywhere close to the same. And I really don't want to have the opposite balance. I don't want to the equation to have me fumbling even more with motherhood than I already am as a first timer.
But it's bittersweet. I know I am my worst critic. I am the hardest on myself. I want my cake and eat it too.
So I'll keep on with the one day a week for now, which I am loving even if it's sometimes a struggle:) And of course the other 6 days get better by the second...even with teeth 5 and 6 and a side of a cold:( He's still my favorite job of all....

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