Sunday, July 14, 2013

Disclaimer: This picture has nothing to do with this post. I just thought it was adorable and really shows his happy morning person attitude:) This is his typical 6am wake up face:)


Anyways, there is this walking/running trail across from our house. It's about a 3 mile loop start to end. It has a creek, patches of open fields, parts that are tree covered, and then this pond at the end. I run it sometimes in the morning with little man in his stroller. Sometimes in the afternoon when he is boycotting a nap. Sometimes by myself when Mr. Big Dog is playing with little man.

It helps me reboot. It helps me clear my mind. It helps me to settle any restlessness I may be struggling with.
On the way I pass under some power lines and I hear them snap and flicker with all the neighbors turning on lights and running their dishwashers, etc. Makes my mind wander to my broken dishwasher....how I am hand washing everything until Tues when the new part comes. Thank goodness for warranties. But really it's not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things right? So many people are battling much bigger issues. Then I feel my feet hitting the ground step by step, my hips and knees feeling the impact of my weight slamming them step by step as I get further and further from my front door. This is the hardest part....starting. I am winded, and I start to get a side ache in my right side.
Why don't I eat better? My mind goes through the list of not so good fuel I have put into my body over the past 24 hours. But then I think "oh well at least you are out here," so many people would be if they could be. And I keep on and put on some music if I'm by myself like this morning.
I try to let my mind rest and focus on the trail and the song playing. Today I'm listening to one of my old play list.....everything from Lady A to Sugarland.
And then as usual I listen to my breathing, my feet and the music and I just take it all in.
I am fortunate for this life. For my health, my baby's health, and all the little things I take for granted
sometimes. My Mr. Big Dog and how he loves his own alone time with little man.
I say a little prayer and thank God for it all....and I feel a weight lift off my shoulders. I run freely and tell myself "look at you, you make it look easy, you could do this all day, why don't you do a half marathon, that would only be like 2 hours, what are you going to make for dinner?, will Jonah do okay in the church nursery today?" How quickly my mind turns back into chaos. I attempt to turn it off again....the air feels good at 6:30am, not too hot not too cold. I breath deep and before I know it I am heading back toward the house. My breathing is less labored and my side ache subsided. It's just me and the trail and my mind if quiet. I am thinking about nothing.
The last quarter mile is again hard and my body feels heavier than it has the past 25 mins. I start to try to push myself with one liners like " this is the last 5 mins and then you're not going to do this again until at least tomorrow," "come on you're almost done don't stop," and so on.

I realized we talk to ourselves so much it's exhausting, sometimes we purposefully listen and sometimes we don't. But the chatter is constant. And sometimes you just have to turn in off and just be.
Funny but at the end of run I think it's the easiest for me to do just that. Just to be.......even if it's just until my body rests and catches it's breath once I get back home. I just can be.
Just enough time to take it all in before life gets busy again....until the next run.

Just my mind this Sunday morning.....



Tuesday, July 9, 2013

I have come to realize every single day I learn something. It may not be something huge but it's something. And I may take this for granted more often than not...but tonight I have a sense of gratitude for so much in my life.
This past week our little family took our first real trip together. Mr. Big Dog and I got married a year and a half ago....and met about a year and a half before that as you remember. But I had never been to his hometown with him and he had not been to mine....until recently. 
We went to Alaska. Big, Giant, Huge, Wild, Beautiful Alaska. I got to see his childhood home, which his parents still live in. I got to meet friends who really are family to him. I got to share my son with tons of people as well as watch him get spoiled from sun up to sun down by his grandparents. 
And all in all I really just sat on the sidelines and tried to take it all in. I looked at baby pictures of my husband, listened to him reminisce about how he grew up and became the man who I now share a home with. The times he got into trouble, the times he won awards, and a lot of the memories he made in Alaska.  I watched his parents play and love on our son, just taking time to really get to know him with what time we all had together on this visit. 
And through all of this, I started to think about how taking Mr. Big Dog's last name did not necessarily mean his parents had to love me or really even try to get to know me. 
Mr. Big Dog and my relationship developed and evolved at freight train speed and the distance between Vancouver, Washington and Alaska is not exactly close. It has been a conscious decision to really get to know each other.....myself with his parents and vice versa. 
And I guess I really came to feel this past week that his parents have welcomed me into their lives so lovingly.....when they really didn't have to. They have put in hours of effort to get to know me with trips to Portland, phone calls, emails, and with our new technology... sometimes Skype. It just hit me with an overwhelming gush that they really do consider me family. I am now part of their family. Not just with a last name, but with the way we are around each other. It's just becoming more and more comfortable like a nice pair of jeans. And I mean that in the most respectful loving way. Not brand new where you have to suck in your gut, but they are starting to fit better and be a little more relaxed.
Maybe it's from becoming a parent recently myself.....but our relationship just made me realize how much they love Mr. Big Dog. And of course I share that love.  And when you love someone so much you put in effort and work on things that are an important part of them.....like developing relationships with certain people.
So tonight I am grateful for my father and mother in law, who I continue to get to know visit by visit. But tonight I also feel like I understand at a much deeper level what it is to love a child throughout his/her life....and into adulthood.
I am thankful for their love and support. I am thankful for the effort they put into everything they do for us.
Our trip was amazing in many deeper than you'll ever know kinda ways;) 

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