Anyways, there is this walking/running trail across from our house. It's about a 3 mile loop start to end. It has a creek, patches of open fields, parts that are tree covered, and then this pond at the end. I run it sometimes in the morning with little man in his stroller. Sometimes in the afternoon when he is boycotting a nap. Sometimes by myself when Mr. Big Dog is playing with little man.
It helps me reboot. It helps me clear my mind. It helps me to settle any restlessness I may be struggling with.
On the way I pass under some power lines and I hear them snap and flicker with all the neighbors turning on lights and running their dishwashers, etc. Makes my mind wander to my broken dishwasher....how I am hand washing everything until Tues when the new part comes. Thank goodness for warranties. But really it's not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things right? So many people are battling much bigger issues. Then I feel my feet hitting the ground step by step, my hips and knees feeling the impact of my weight slamming them step by step as I get further and further from my front door. This is the hardest part....starting. I am winded, and I start to get a side ache in my right side.
Why don't I eat better? My mind goes through the list of not so good fuel I have put into my body over the past 24 hours. But then I think "oh well at least you are out here," so many people would be if they could be. And I keep on and put on some music if I'm by myself like this morning.
I try to let my mind rest and focus on the trail and the song playing. Today I'm listening to one of my old play list.....everything from Lady A to Sugarland.
And then as usual I listen to my breathing, my feet and the music and I just take it all in.
I am fortunate for this life. For my health, my baby's health, and all the little things I take for granted
sometimes. My Mr. Big Dog and how he loves his own alone time with little man.
I say a little prayer and thank God for it all....and I feel a weight lift off my shoulders. I run freely and tell myself "look at you, you make it look easy, you could do this all day, why don't you do a half marathon, that would only be like 2 hours, what are you going to make for dinner?, will Jonah do okay in the church nursery today?" How quickly my mind turns back into chaos. I attempt to turn it off again....the air feels good at 6:30am, not too hot not too cold. I breath deep and before I know it I am heading back toward the house. My breathing is less labored and my side ache subsided. It's just me and the trail and my mind if quiet. I am thinking about nothing.
The last quarter mile is again hard and my body feels heavier than it has the past 25 mins. I start to try to push myself with one liners like " this is the last 5 mins and then you're not going to do this again until at least tomorrow," "come on you're almost done don't stop," and so on.
I realized we talk to ourselves so much it's exhausting, sometimes we purposefully listen and sometimes we don't. But the chatter is constant. And sometimes you just have to turn in off and just be.
Funny but at the end of run I think it's the easiest for me to do just that. Just to be.......even if it's just until my body rests and catches it's breath once I get back home. I just can be.
Just enough time to take it all in before life gets busy again....until the next run.
Just my mind this Sunday morning.....